Welcome along to the latest
slanted and enchanted. In case you are wondering why there isnt any 'at'
symbols in the name there, its because I am pissed off editing out the
hyperlinks that MS Word creates when you automatically type the 'at' symbol.
Poxy Microsoft shite. Install Linux now !! Use Unix if you can !! Fucking
Bill Gates. Anyway, how have you all been. Apologies for being late but
as you can see we've toiled for two months to bring you this ultra fucking
huge big issue. Hope you fucking like it cos its taken us a lot of time.
Anyway, is Dublin techno freesheet central or what? We've got ourselves,
Ultramag, D1 Records' offering in the form of Subtext, and also another
freesheet called Exposed!  which we think is very funny indeed. Theres
loads of cool gigs going on around town as well at the moment. Could it
be due to the closure of the two cattle-pens of bad house, the System and
the Temple Theatre (virtually closed anyway) that people actually have
to go out and listen to some decent shit for a change? Cant argue with
that. We've also been toiling on a new web site for ourselves, its now
located (after a couple of site changes) at http://www.compapp.dcu.ie/~bscanl.ca1
(that's the boy singer's home page). Theres loads of shit there, go and
look at it yourself why don't you. Our email address is also working again
after some slight mishaps with RedBrick, apologies to everyone who has
been trying to get in touch with us and experiencing their mails getting
bounced back to them. You can email us at slanted@redbrick.dcu.ie for all
queries. Thanks to everyone who has emailed us or written us letters, its
always good to hear from the readership at large. And hey !! We got a mention
in the Irish Times, are we shit kickin or what. Only problem was that Brian
Boyd used the word zeitgeist, which is a crime beyond all crimes. We also
attended a couple of seminars in the heneiken green energy festival. The
first one was a pile of  shit. It was called "Should bands be business
heads" and it was a pack of wankers sitting about talking bollocks about
how difficult it was to sign a contract to lick the bosses arse. It went
on for two mind numbing hours and we would have left long before only we
had left a tape recorder on the desk and couldn't go get it. The other
one was way, way better, it was all about how to make techno music, something
that we here at slanted are investigating at the moment. We have a very
basic editing package on Thayl's PC, which we're hoping to improve on.
So far all we've created is a crash of noise but who knows, Aphex Twin
watch your back. Sad news on the music front is that one of our fave bands,
Venus Envy, have decided to call it a day. We'll miss their guitar driven-pop
tunes, hopefully the members will pop up again in different guises. 
Don't forget to vote Yes to changing atricles 2 and 3 in the referendums,
and also vote yes to the Norn Irn agreement. It might not be the best solution
for peace but its better than anything we have ever had before. Anyone
who is opposing it appears to be the usual shower of bigots on both sides...
That's about all for the moment we suppose. Watch out cos the summer holidays
for the schoolkids are just around the corner so doubtlessly you're going
to have every tosser in town putting out a piece of shit freesheet during
the hot months. We should be back in June or July sometime in either freesheet
or fanzine format, depends on the money situation again. Take it easy anyway
kids and don't get too fucked up. Oh yeah don't forget if you wanna send
us a letter in the post, the address is 10 Whitethorn Road, Artane, Dublin
5.

In on the drilltaker: u-ziq at the Funnel: Heres a snippet from one
of the recent issues of Ultramag: "u-ziq, aka Mike Paradinas, aka Jake
Slazenger, aka Kid Spatula, comes to the Funnel for one hour and twenty
minutes of head melting drill'n'bass. Expect nothing less than a frontal
lobe jellifying experience as the master of the snare rush causes you serious
headaches with woodpecker, road drill, power saw, and vibrator samples
mashed up into a LOUD crescendo of noise and beats that continues relentlessly.."
Ok, well, it didnt actually say that in Ultramag, we're lying, but it may
as well have. Dennis and Alan did their thang on the decks at the start
of the evening and Dennis' set was enjoyable, the merry prankster that
he is, he frolicked about with the tunes and mixed in a nice bit of techno
with his usual wierd shit from records that your dad likes.. Alans set
of drum'n'bass was less to my tastes however. It was ok but I like the
way that normally his set is a bit more varied, this was just too much
of the same stuff and while Thayl was nodding his orange head in an appreciative
manner, I was just trying to cover my poor little ears. He did play one
cool tune though, dunno the name of it but its got this vocal sample in
it that goes "You're gonna make me love somebody else, if you keep on treating
me the way you do.." Its several years old at this stage but its deadly.
I remember it being played on Saturday afternoons on Power (when that was
the only jungle show in Dublin). Mike P. hit the stage at around midnight,
maybe a bit later and let loose with the beats.. I'm not all that big a
u-ziq fan, I have a couple of EPs at home ("Salsa with Mesquite" is quite
entertaining) and I had a copy of In Pine Effect (but taped over it) but
thats about it. I went along anyway cos I enjoyed the two tracks off the
Meal Time Compilation and wanted to see some live shit. His set was a bit
too hard and heavy for my liking, I think if he was going to play for 80
minutes he should have varied it a bit more. I was talking with the Chillage
Idiots (Xfm 107.1, Sundays 8-10pm) and they were slightly disappointed
as well that he didnt play some of the older, more relaxed material. But
it was still enjoyable, and the beats still brought a smile to my face.
Very intense though.. the Droid from Power FM was DJ'ing afterwards so
we stuck about for a bit but then headed on home for the NiteLink and all
the pissheads staggering about us spilling their kebabs on the other passengers..

Holy Cow @ the Mean Fiddler: This was the night after u-ziq and my legs
were starting to wear down slightly. I wanted to go to this anyway because
I had been hearing many good things about it. Aidan Kelly is el residente
here at Holy Cow. You probably have heard his show on Sunday afternoons
on Power, which is very soul/garage/house oriented. Its a nice show, it
works well when you're sitting in yr back garden flaking in the sun with
a beer or two. The music this night was a bit heavier than I expected however,
he started off his set with big beat music and even a couple of indie (Stone
Roses) and glam cock-rock (Marc Bolan and T-Rex) tunes. This was probably
to entice some of the dirty filthy metaller scum to hang around (earlier
on Kerbdog did their last gig - review somewhere else in this issue, maybe).
They all fucked off anyway, thanks be to christ. As he got more into the
set, the beats got more house-esque, and he played some stuff that was
more my cup'o'tae but still not what I expected from Aidan Kelly. 
Tunes in his set included The Renegade Master (two versions of it), Dub
be good to me, Da Funk, Around the World, and one or two other big beat
tracks that I knew but cant remember the titles. He also stuck in some
bassline or speed garage track earlier on in the night which I actually
enjoyed. The bass coming out of the sound system in the MF was making me
go to the toilet.. or maybe that was just all the drink. Anyway, we were
having a great time and at 2am everything suddenly came to a halt!! NO
!! we cried. To the shouts of 'just one more', we got one more tune but
that was it. At 2.10am it was over for good. I know places have to close
early and all but 3am would have been fine. Ah well. You have to call it
a night some time I guess. I'd defintely reccomend this for a Saturday
night out (nothing else comes to mind). Aidan Kelly is a real performer
too, he's mental. He hops around the stage, dancing and throwing his headphones
up in the air, asking people if they're alright, offering them water, talking
to the crowd. This was cool, much better than the usual aloof arrogant
bullshit attitude some DJs have who wont even look into the crowd once
during the night, they just play their records, get their money and get
out. Fair play to him.

Gran Canaria Uncovered: After paying several hundred quid in cash to
the nice lady in the travel agency in mid-January, I was walking up home
and it suddenly daned on me how much I had forked out of my hard earned
cash on this trip to Gran Canaria for a week. How many records could I
have bought with this? And this was the Canaries we were talking about.
The only reports I had really heard of the place were from people in work.
They usually ran along the lines of a bunch of lads heading over there
en masse and drinking all day and night and then trying to score. The typical
anecdote from their excursions was "Oh yeah, remember that burd from Liverpool,
she was a bleedin' ride, her tits were huge, four of us had a go on her
in the one night" or something to that effect. This place is fairly well-known
as a holiday spot, and having watched the antics on Carribean Uncovered
I was wondering if this was going to be the same.

If you've never seen Carribean Uncovered on Sky One on Sunday nights
I advise you to have a glance at it if you've nothing better to do with
your time. Its quite pathetic really. Basically everyone tries to out-slut
each other. The women are as thick as planks and the men are even thicker.
Their idea of a good time involves drinking as much cocktails as possible
(with 'humourous' names such as Sex on the Beach or Flaming Orgasm) and
after watching a wet t-shirt contest, trying to pick up someone in tacky
neon-lit discos with 'hits' such as Aqua's Barbie Girl tickling their ear
drums in the background.

So is Playa Del Ingles like this? In a word, yes. As the rep told us
on the bus to our apartment complex, its the second biggest man made holiday
resort in the world, second only to Benidorm. If I was a tour operator
I dont think I would advertise this openly but it didnt seem to bother
anyone. We had touched down in Las Palmas airport at around 5.30pm and
our bus was now hurtling towards the apartment complex. We eventually got
our keys and our shit together later on in the evening, and we took a stroll
around the town to get our bearings.

Playa Del Ingles is completely made up of tourist apartments and hotels.
The few locals that live there are kept well back from the beach areas,
so the tourists can live happily without ever having to see real life.
It seems to be a very peaceful place, apart from all the nightclubs and
what have you. By peaceful I mean it appears that there is not much crime
or violence, although on the last night we did see gangs of kids checking
car doors on the avenue outside our complex. The resort is split into different
centres. Theres an Irish Centre, an English one, a Scottish one, etc. I
was a bit disappointed with this, as on previous holidays my best memories
had been with English people, but I suppose the different nationalities
are kept seperate to stop any fights at night (bearing in mind there are
huge amounts of drunken people wandering around at 3am every night).

Our complex was more or less right on top of the Irish Centre. Our apartment
faced onto the centre which contained several pubs, which was headwrecking
at night when you were trying to get some sleep. If you're going for a
quiet, relaxed holiday then this place is not for you.. the whole ethos
of the place is to go out and have a good time. Initially I was very cynical
and by Monday morning I was in a bit of a bad mood, having forked out a
lot of money for something I thought I wasnt going to enjoy, but I told
myself not to be such a moany fucker and go out and enjoy it for what it
was.

Monday morning the sun was flooding into the apartment. We stepped out
onto the front Balcony and the rays were blinding our eyes, warming our
skin. For the first two days we basically flaked around the complex's pools
and lapped up the sun. We were both tired and this holiday was all about
having a break, so we just did what we wanted to.. ate shit, dozed in the
afternoons, had a swim, lay in the sun, ate more shit, walked down to the
Kasbah Centre, read our books, etc. On Monday night after dozing in the
late afternoon we visited one of the local bars within earshot of our apartment
called the Harp. I was expecting it to be similar to its cousin of the
same name back home, but it was actually ok. There was kareoke competitions
and yes/no games with free drinks and blokes singing songs. Most of the
music was of the 'auld sod' variety but once you've had a few drinks in
you, you're singing along with the rest of them. We both got very drunk
and fell back into the apartment late at night, after visiting a chipper
across the road and forcing some curry chips down into our aching stomachs.

Tuesday morning was greeted with a monumental hangover.. we had to meet
the reps in a pub called the Shamrock Bar nearby to sort out what we were
going to do for the week. We looked through the little brochure and made
our choices.. and then went back to the pool and sat down for a while.
After another afternoon of flaking in the blazing sun and eating crap,
we went back to the Shamrock Bar for this welcome night, put on by First
Choice and Falcon.

There were several singers on the stage, singing the same sort of stuff
that we had heard the night before in the Harp. But what really caught
our attention this night was the TV in the pub. It was showing a 3 hour
video of a Spanish programme called "Impacto TV". This was basically a
"You've Been Framed" carbon copy except much more excessive.  A large
section of the programme was devoted to bull fights and those mad bull
chases through narrow Spanish streets, where the participants in these
events got gored by the bulls. This was highly amusing. Theres nothing
better than seeing a Matador getting mangled, serves the bastards right
for engaging in a "sport" like bullfighting. The best clip of all was seeing
a bull who had two flaming torches attached to his horns clipping someone
in the face. Allegedly the Spanish love this sort of stuff. We couldnt
get enough of it. The tape eventually finished and rewound back to the
start, and began all over again, and we watched it again (bearing in mind
now we were getting progressively more drunk). Meanwhile the Reps for the
travel companies were stoking up the atmosphere, getting people to dance
on the floor, drink as much as they could in 30 seconds, sing on stage,
perform degrading acts on each other, etc etc..

Wednesday morning we had booked a trip to the markets in Maspalomas
and then a day out in a water park. The bus was leaving at 9.30am, the
head was not completely ready for getting up after the night before. The
Reps had told us not to buy anything until we went to these markets, to
save our money for the best bargains. Bargain bin more like.. these markets
are a joke. They sell the greatest pile of shit ever, ripped off belts,
fake Rolexes, "arias" sports runners, t-shirts with "My [spouse/parent/sibling/significant
other] went to Gran Canaria, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt !!",
and other assorted crap that a place like Hector Greys wouldnt even stock.

Canarian shopkeepers are cunts, no other word for it. At the markets,
as soon as you even fart in the direction of their stall, they're over
to you like a fly on a fresh dog turd, asking you for your money. They're
always your friend, they'll always make you a good price, they're helpful,
until you show no interest in their crap and then they tell you to fuck
off.

Me and J went into an electrical shop one day looking for a pair of
earphones, and this bloke was selling a pair for the equivalent of 25 quid.
We laughed and said we could get it for about a tenner back home. He then
threw us out of the shop, telling us to go back to our own country, and
even the day after when I went back in looking for something else he was
having none of it. They all seem to think that just because you wont buy
something off them, you've insulted them deeply. What can I say.. dont
take any shit from them. You can haggle for anything, if they offer you
something, then offer them half of what they've quoted and then they will
probably meet you half-way. Then again, it depends. The price of an item
depends on the mood the shopkeeper is in, whether business has been good
or bad during the day, what he had for his dinner, whether he got a ride
last night or not. I was offered a Mini Disc recorder for 120 quid one
day, and I turned it down. Then I went back to the same shop two days later
and they wouldnt give it to me for less than 190 quid.

The markets were crap anyway and the only thing we bought were hot dogs.
Then it was on to the Water Park. I love these things, dammit I could go
all day on the slides and not get bored. The one we went to was called
Ocean Park. The best slides were these four wide blue ones, the speed you
would pick up on them was incredible. They were so wide you could turn
180 degrees while sliding. Other attractions including this orange slide
which was shaped in bumps that

almost ejected you off the run when you went down, a wave pool in which
I almost drowned in, a mushroom thing, a slide you went down in a pink
rubber ring, a normal swimming pool, and Lizards !! A collection of rocks
beneath the aforementioned orange slide was home to a bunch of lizards,
occasionally they would pop up and run like crazy across the rocks. The
water washed off any sun cream we had put on ourselves and we got burned
to fuck. Wednesday night was spent at home crying and rubbing after-sun
lotion all over each others bodies.. mmm...

Thursday morning was greeted with... argh !! Clouds !! No !! Not now
!! But yes, it was as cloudy as any day back home, with the sun occasionally
trying to poke through. This day we were going on a cruise on a boat, a
Catamaran to be precise. worth 2 million quid allegedly. And what a nice
boat it was too. It went around to the west side of the island and anchored
there for a while, to let people swim and frolick on a banana boat. They
also served us a nice meal of chicken and potatoes and salads and general
food that everyone could eat. Very nice. This was a relaxing day, shame
about the weather though, the cruise was slightly dampened by the clouds.
We were gone all day anyway, and at the end of the night we just conked
out again and dozed off..

Friday was another day off. We ate out in the local Steak houses, which
serve the most tender meat, I dont like steak much but this was gorgeous.
Really tender and tasty.. not for vegans of course.

Saturday was our last day there and the week had gone too fucking quickly.
I was enjoying myself and any sense of responsibility had been forgotten.
Saturday was a Jeep jamboree. This was a tour of the island in open topped
jeeps. The island is really nice. Its strange as well because it was sunny
down at the beaches but you go about five miles up into the hills and its
lashing out of the heavens. We did get pissed on but it didnt matter cos
it was nice and warm later on and our clothes got dried. We also stopped
in this little restaurant in the hills and had our dinner there. We sat
next to the big open fire and dried off. Further on down the hills, it
was boiling hot again so we fired water at each other from the jeeps. Now
I think about it, its actually quite dangerous, leaning out over the edges
hurling the contents of bottles at each other but it was good fun. After
stopping next to a camel farm, the jeeps dropped us back down to the resort.
It was still relatively early in the afternoon so we went to the beach
near MasPalomas. Theres these gorgeous sand dunes there, just pure sand,
no bits of bushes tangled up in the hills. Its like a desert. We frolicked
on those for a while, rolled down them, the sand is so hot and you're sinking
down into it.. it's really nice.

We stayed on the beach for a while, and then headed up home to get packed.
I was sad to be doing this as I knew in about 18 hours I'd be back in Dublin
again, getting caught up in traffic jams, seeing the flith on the streets
in the pissing rain and cold. I had started off the week thinking I was
going to have a shit time but it worked out really well.  On Saturday
night we just hit a few local bars again after dinner. We decided to stay
up all night cos we had to get up at 4am to get the bus back to the airport,
so the drinking was done more moderately than usual. J. conked out on the
sofa back home of course, so it was left to me to fight the battle with
my closing eyelids.. We did make it though, unfortunately. The next morning
the plane was back in Dublin and as we made our way to the car there was
a light drizzle starting.

This month, the S@E fruit of the month award goes to "The Banana". Yes
indeed, this three to seven inches of pure potassium filled goodness has
certainly won our hearts over for the month of March. Keep it up you sleek
yellow curvy vegetable growth of high nutritional value!!

Yes I know I'm going to hear a chorus of complaints when I review the
new Propellerheads album. "Duh, they're too commercial man, they've been
on MTV for christ sakes!!" Yeah well so has Aphex Twin, so shut yer gob
and listen up. I got "Decks and Drums and Rock and Roll" (I added the spaces
myself!!) for my birthday and since all the CD's that came in the post
to the S@E offices this month have been shite (China Drum for chirst sakes,
anybody who wants the new China Drum EP for free just write to us at the
usual address with a funny reason for why I should give it to you, the
CD that is) so I'm reviewing this commercial big-beat type thing.

 And big-beat it is. The opening track Take California has a really
funky bass intro and the track is interesting but it's a bit too long,
like you get fed up of it after a while. Velvet Pants is an excellent track
though, nice sing-song whistle in the background while the drums keep your
foot tapping. Track four, Better is also very good.....hang on, this whole
album is fucking good!! Sure, it's not going to win awards, and it has
that horrible Shirley Bassey track but a simple press of the skip button
solves that for you. Oh, one other niggly thing, the Propellerheads duo
seem to use the same kind of bass sound for quite a few of their track,
this kind of distorted wah-wah heavy thing. You'll hear it on third last
track Bigger. I kinda go on and off it, oh well. This is a good album,
it's not going to be on any underground play-list, you won't hear Alan
playing it in The Funnel, but it's still bloody good. Now, back to some
weird English underground techno act, ahhhh like U-Ziq!!

Da-da!! It's the Da Club!! (Sorry, I've run out of intros for reviewing
stuff that happens there) Anyway,  onto a band that needs no introduction
at all, Venus Envy!! It seems that our tradition for having at least one
Venus Envy gig review in each issue of S@E is going to stop right here
though, as the band have informed us that the gig they played on the 21st
of March is the last gig they're going to do for a while. They're taking
some time off to "work on new material and think about what we want to
do next" as frontwoman Maura told us. Singer scabbed a copy of some of
VE's new unreleased stuff and yum yum is it good. So we're holding our
breath for that next release Ms. Envy!!

 Anyway, back to the Da Club. And kicking off this harmonious
evening for us was Joan of Arse, who consisted of just two blokes, a singer-guitar
strumming type and a drummer too. Nice and minimal, I didn't really like
them at the start, but they had some catchy moments which kind of kept
me listening. J. of Arse sounded a bit like Deus, in a moany chopped up
way, the fact that it was just the two of them gave their set a kind of
busker feel. I was talking to the singer bloke afterwards and it turns
out he's going to be playing at a 21st I'm going to so they seem to be
getting around!! Watch out, Joan of Arse might be playing your Uncle's
wedding next......

 Daughters of the Swan were after J.O. Arse. I actually think
their name would be much better if it was just "Daughter's". (But hey if
I got to name bands then The Verve would be renamed Timmy Mallet and the
bollock-heads) And wow did Daughters OTS surprise me!! They came on with
their loud guitars and loud bass and loud drums *and* a loud keyboard *AND*
(get this) a drum machine too!! I could hear a big Ministry inflluence
behind their industria sound, nobody singing, just weird samples being
looped over a thundering Filter-type wall of noise. Ireland's very own
Nine Inch Nails perhaps? Singer said they were like an industrial My Bloody
Valentine but then again, whenever he hears anything new he says they're
like My Bloody Valentine for some reason. (I blame his ex-girlfriend for
getting him into MBV in the first place) I was totally impressed by Daughters
of the Swan, it's refreshing to get new bands that aren't boring old Pavement
wannabes. Can't wait to hear these guys again!!

 Venus didn't disappoint either, sure they never do.....with such
classics as Butt of a Joke and Passes By they kept the whole crowd nodding
and grinning all night. (Even my French lecturer turned up to this gig,
but she *is* the coolest French lecturer alive right now) Since this was
their last gig for a while, they seemed to be a bit more energetic than
usual, what with Eugene breaking strings and Hugh McBass-bass player going
totally mad when they played Sunburst Hit at the end (for the second time
of the gig, their drummer made them do it *hehe*). Hugh ended up playing
half the song while lying on his back. Then he decided it'd be a good idea
to smash his bass into the ground and leave it there while the band left
the stage to boisterous cheering from the crowd, proving once again that
Venus Envy are one of the best Dublin bands around right now.

 Oh yeah, and that babe of a singer Coibhe from Palomine (all
the celebs are at this gig) gave me a big huge sexy wink, probably because
I gave Palomine a good review in the last issue. (See, these things do
pay off, I know Jill's going to hit me for writing that though)

Decal in The Funnel: Us S@E types have been hearing a load of good stuff
about The Funnel recently, and sure why not? Phunk City on Friday nights
there is probably the best club in Dublin for, uh, ages anyway.........Go
into any halfway decent record shop (where you'd usually pick up this freesheet)
and you'll probably hear the guy behind the counter telling his mate about
all the excellent acts lined up to play there.

 But tonight me, Singer and my trusty female-assistant were there
to see Dublin's home-grown Decal!! Downstairs was open for the first time,
and what a nice place it is too, so we headed in there first to check out
Maura from Venus Envy spinning some mellow tunes whilst we commented on
the nice decor of the downstairs bar. ("Nice decor" as Singer would say)
But on heading upstairs I was shocked, nay disgusted to hear some boring
house tunes. Yeah yeah, I know everybody else in the world likes house
instead of me, but hell I'm writing this damn review so I get to moan about
anything I don't like. *grin* We didn't have long to wait for Decal to
jump onto the stage in all their greatness and start their all-new-all-shiny
set with brand new songs!! And wow, all the songs are great, excellent
in fact!! The only old song I recognised was "Pig Eyes gets Whacked" from
their last album Lo-Lite. I especially liked the one with the huge big
clanging snare drum thing, hard to describe but I definitely want to hear
it over and over and over.  All their new material still has that
certain Decal signature sound, like the spinny clicky noises they have,
but they're definitely maturing and seem to be heading away from regular
house beats (thank god) and more into big-drum and tech-bass type areas.
S@E can't wait for Decal's next EP/LP/Anything-at-all to be released.

How to be an underground-dance-head.

Ever since the dawn of time, the youth of this planet have been trying
to successfully identify themselves with a particular genre of music. Well,
any of the youths that count. I can't speak for all those computer nurds
with their Linux and their IRC (sideways glance at Singer), but us cool
people have embraced a form of music that dominates the way we live. There
are the smelly punks who complain about everybody else who makes a slight
effort to look good, preferring themselves to dress in bin liners and old
ripped up carpets. There are the clubber types that think their lovely
cream jeans and bright blue checked shirts look swell as they bop around
to the latest commercial chart release. And then there are the underground-dance-heads
(the UDH's) who probably rule the planet with their rapier wit, excellent
music taste and phenomenal freesheet writing abilities. *grin* So what
does it take to reach the pinnacle of this elite social world that UDH's
inhabit?

 Mostly taken from the four gospels (Jesus was the first true
underground-dance-head. He was in fact the Lord of the Dance) this simple
guide will eh......guide you in the ways of becoming the ultimate UDH.
Enjoy.

1) Clothes

As an underground-dance-head you will be constantly looked at by every
single other person in the world. Well, every single other person on the
street anyway. Your aim is to exhibit your UDH-ness by wearing only top
quality, outrageously expensive designer label gear. You can also follow
this rule of thumb, keep the top tight and the bottom baggy. I want to
see you walking on the ends of your Quiksilver combats people, and I also
want to see your nipples sticking out of that manga t-shirt beat onto your
chest. Selling drugs is a way of supplementing your income in an effort
to keep up with other UDH's in garment-buying-frenzy.

2) Hair

Long hair on blokes is out. Out out out out!! Out I tell you!! Away,
gone, bye bye. You're not fuckin' Kurt Cobain you know. Keep it nice and
short guys. And the standard "boring-blonde" is well out. Primary colours
are good, red green or blue being excellent choices. (Em, aren't red green
and blue the only primary colours out there? - Singer) A combination of
these would also be acceptable.

3) Dance Genre's

To be an underground-dance-head, you're really going to have to know
your dance music types. In fact, it's probably best to invent your own
sub-genre and mouth off loudly about the latest release on a record label
you've just made up. Except don't use "Speed-Ambient" because Stripe's
thought of that already. Using phrases like "break-beat", "techno-soundscape"
and "ambient-white-noise" is an excellent way to excel in the UDH world.
But be careful not to let such phrases as "kind of dancy" and "a bit like
the Prodigy" slip, as these would surely have you expelled from your dance-clan-clique.

4)Dance 'bands'

There aren't actually bands as such in the underground-dance world.
Bands are in fact usually smelly people with guitars singing about how
much they like beer. People who create dance music are your gods. You will
serve and respect them, if you're lucky enough to like a dance outfit that
are Irish then you may have the opportunity to polish their shoes, or do
the shopping for them. Knowing names like "Squarepusher" and "Richard D.
James" may well give your underground-dance-ego a boast when conversing
with other UDH's in various clubs. If you can name an Irish dance act that
isn't Decal then you get a special prize. (If you answered U2 then please
hold your breath until you die, thank you)

5) Dance clubs

Right now in Dublin there is a surprising lack of underground-dance-clubs.
You might be forgiven for going to Photek in the Mean Fiddler, but showing
your face in The Kitchen or The Pod means certain doom. Regular patronage
of The Funnel Club is a must, this is where you can make your underground-dance-head
status known to the rest of the techno-anoraks of Dublin. You also receive
extra brownie points if you've ever been to the drum and bass night in
The 13th Floor. If you got in free there once like I did then why not send
us a letter boasting about this fact. We won't print it, but we will laugh
at your pathetic attempt to gain ultimate UDH recognition by being mentioned
in Sl@nted @nd Ench@nted.

6) Freesheet writing

If, like me, you're a minor deity with supernatural X-man-like powers,
and you managed to follow the last five points to a tee, then you're ready
for the ultimate in underground-dance-head actions. The writing of a Freesheet.
Many have tried this daunting task, and only few have survived. Your only
hope here is to constantly demean your target audience (who will obviously
be inferior to you in every conceivable way), promote local dance acts
in the hope that they can get you into their gigs for free and inflate
your own ego by regularly writing articles detailing how prominent your
sheet is compared to other lesser offerings.

Surreal Madrid "Devil's Tingle EP": More absolutely shameless big beat
from the Fused and Bruised label, and mind you, its actually half-way decent
in one or two places. The first track, "Insanity Sauce", is pretty upbeat,
with lots of cheesy vocal samples and an exploding brass horn over the
usual big beat hops and bass. It's quite mental, and I can imagine it going
down well in a club somewhere. Its a bit naff on the stereo but enjoyable
all the same. It reminds me a bit of Pop Will Eat Itself circa. their "Cicciolina"
days, which was around 1990 (that just shows how 'progressive' the big
beat sound is, I suppose). "Voodoo Jerk Leather" doesnt do as much for
me as the first track, it's actually quite irritating more than anything
else. The beats are interesting in places but the melody sounds like a
dying cat with some Texan music speeded up. The Elite Force Remix of "Insanity
Sauce" again reminds me of PWEI, any moment I expect Clint to break into
one of those politico-raps. This remix has taken the bare essentials of
the track, the bassline and the beats, and fucked them up slightly. The
bassline now mutates into an almost acid-esq squiggle, which would be enjoyable
if it wasnt so geared towards the big build-up for the crowd. "Howlin Scum
Blues" is a bit more relaxed beat-wise, although it still turns up the
volume on those snares. Not a bad track but very little distinguishing
factors about it IMHO. To sum up then, big beat music can be ok now and
again as this EP has shown but there really is very little to get excited
about, as for how the Brit Music Press lap this shit up I'll never understand,
and how it sells so well is beyond my comprehension.

Invisible Armies "Neutral Space EP" Does a three tracker count as an
EP? Anyway, Influx bring out their fourth release, which has been recieving
much praise. Hemisphere is not great. The samples with a bloke ranting
about aliens, flying saucers and the like are cool, but the track itself
gets on my nerves. And theres a high pitch of what sounds like some sort
of radio signal  mid way through, which if I had heard on an Aphex
track I would have enjoyed, but not on this sort of stuff. And the track
is too long, it continues way much when it really should just call it a
day. B-Opera is much better, low-slung and relaxed, nice dirty bassline
to it with high hats and other cymbals just being lightly tickled in the
background. Channel Nine is not brilliant, fairly boring hip hop with one
or two nice noises that caught my ear but apart from that, I think its
pretty methodical. I suppose I am not the best person to be reviewing a
record like this. I dont enjoy much hip-hop/beats at all, I've been to
Influx nights before as well and wasnt that impressed. If you're into that
whole scene then this record pretty much fits in well with it all but I
would give it a miss.

Photek Productions "Digital": This two tracker 12" shows why Photek
is one of the master producers in d'n'b. Sub-Zero is a mental, hard techstep
(but not two-step) thriller, but not a mad hard crash of beats that a lot
of d'n'b seems to be these days. Very danceable but also brilliant on the
stereo. The flip is a very paranoid number, makes you want your mammy..
again the distance between the beats makes this track what it is, changing
and hard to keep your head nodding to. Not much else to say really. Nice
two-tracker, bit pricy at 6 quid but worth a spot in your collection.

Third Eye Foundation @ the Funnel: Atrocious weather and the presence
of techno-fuhrer Sven Vath in the hole on Essex Street meant there was
a smaller than usual attendance at this event, disappointly so. I hadn't
heard much of Third Eye Foundation before this gig, my only exposure to
their (his) music was in Road Records one idle afternoon. The wonderful
staff there had played me some of one of the 3EF EP's, and I wasn't that
impressed.. very hard, thrashy, metal-type d'n'b, definitely music for
boys only. I went along anyway cos the U:Mack gigs are usually pretty good.
After Alan and Dennis doing their usual music-u-like on the decks, Anodyne
hit the stage. I see that Anodyne has now morphed into two separate entities
for live performances, so instead of one head bopping up and down to this
mangled mesh of beats, we now had two. Anodyne are pretty amazing when
it comes to the live show, the bass from one of the tracks knocked my pint
off the sills after I had just bought it. Their music just crashes and
it's hard to catch the beats as they fall into each other.  However,
as before, their live show doesnt stop with this relentless assault on
your senses, and after 20 minutes of this, it tends to get on your nerves,
it's hard to take any more. There really needs to be some break, some moment
of danceability in the music.  Third Eye Foundation hit the stage
next. It was if his set had been mixed up with Anodynes. I was expecting
another barrage of beats and noise, but all we got was a half hour set
of limp d'n'b, and before it had started it was already over !! I didn't
even have time to rate the chap before he stood up and left the stage..
it didn't seem like anyone else had realised it either,  a slight
ripple of applause spread through the crowd and that was it. Very disappointing
indeed. I met a bloke who makes techno later on in the week and he was
telling me of the non-liveness of the 3EF set, that all the bloke did was
sit on the stage and turn on his DAT machine. Oh well. Not a good night
for music then unfortunately.

IS IRELAND A CLASSLESS SOCIETY?

The Political Philosopher Bertrand Russell, said in 1917 that "the unjust
distribution of wealth must obviously be an evil to those who are not prosperous,
and they are nine-tenths of the population. Nevertheless it continues unabated."
[1]

In an attempt to answer the question, Is Ireland a classless society,
it may help to look at our closest and perhaps most influential neighbour,
Britain. Despite Tony Blair's talk of the classless society, divisions
across the water are at first glance strikingly obvious, and much more
overt than any in our own society. There operates a system of hereditary
peerage where those who are the sons and daughters of lords are awarded
postions of power purely because of parentage and not on merit. This ensures
that those families who have power and prestige retain it generation after
generation. The head of the British state is also an unelected person,
who acquires this stature through inheritance. The public schools in Britain
are far from public, with astronomical entrance fees, maintaining the system
where only the childrem of the priviledged few  go on to successful
positions in later years. It is said that the graduates of these schools
try to look after each other as much as possible, giving each other jobs
and inside information. Even the mainstream political arena is divided
along class lines, with the Conservatives representing the businessmen,
landownders and the aristocracy, while the Labour Party has links with
the Trade Unions and (supposedly) represents those on lower incomes.

We can say then that there are clear symbols of class divisions in British
Society.

Just because Ireland does not have these aspects of a divided society,
it would still be a fundamental error of judgement to say that we do not
have class differences.

Before looking at the extent to which Ireland can be described either
as a classless or a class-divided society, we need to have some rough definition
of what we mean by a social class. For the purposes of this article, we
will take a class to be a large scale grouping of people who share common
economic resources. The Marxist view, according to Ivan Reid, saw the major
axis in society as "the relationship of groups to the means of production."
[2] The chief area of conflict then "was in social class terms and between
those who owned and did not own those means". [3]

Mark Tierney says that "Ireland has perhaps the most unusual political
system of Western Democracies. In the 1920's most were split on left/right
lines, whereas here the split was over the Anglo-Irish treaty of 1921"
[4]

It appears that Ireland is still caught in the politics of the Civil
War. Today the differences between Fine Gael and Fianna Fail are negligible,
yet many people see them as opposites. The Labour Party like its UK counterpart,
has links with the trade unions and represents those on lower incomes,
has  a history of performing badly in elections here. Even in 1992,
when the party achieved its largest share of the vote in the history of
the state, it still only managed 20%.

Marxist theory says that a class in itself would become a class of itself,
i.e. the working class would become conscious of themselves and try to
improve their conditions pay and lifestyle by means of protest. Did this
happen in the 1992 general election? Did the Irish working class vote for
Labour to try to get a fair slice of the cake? Shane Kenny outlines the
Labour success: "In 1989 Labour took  just 9.55% of the urban vote,
in '92 the party took 24.9%. A breakdown of the Dublin Middle-class constituencies
shows Labour taking just 9.6% of the middle class vote in '89, but this
shot up to 26% in '92, with FG falling from 27.2% to 19.5%. Labour made
similar inroads in working class constituencies where Fianna Fails lead
dropped nearly nine points to 32.4% against 26.2% for Labour." [5]

These figures show that Labour made gains in both working and middle
class constituencies, indicating that Labour made a general improvement
across the whole class spectrum; through a lack of satisfaction with the
two main parties; rather than making significant gains in the working class
areas. It could be argued from this evidence that even though more voters
supported parties on the 'left', there was no clear awakening of class-consciousness
among working-class voters.

To obtain evidence of class divisions in Ireland, I visited a property
shop in Blanchardstown village. Currently there is a three bedroom end-of-terrace
house for sale in Wellview, Ladyswell, Dublin 15. The asking price is £38,000.
Yet a near identical house in Park Drive, Castleknock, can fetch more than
three times the price of the Wellview one. Why is this? Wellview is seen
as a 'working-class area'. Even the term 'working-class' is a misnomer
here as Wellview has an unemployment rate of 66%.

More well-to-do people do not wish to be associated with certain areas
or addresses as they feel this will label them of certain class. A prime
example of this is where the residents of Ballymun Avenue voted to change
the name of the road to Glasnevin Avenue, as they did not want to be associated
with Ballymun.

The postal code in Dublin alone can mark out the class which you are
likely to belong to.

Herve Varenne talks about the initial building of private housing estates
in Ballinteer, Dublin 16. "In 1986, a set of fields at the very southern
edge of Balinteer was thus being developed and advertised as 'Kingston,
Quality Homes at a Prestige Location, 5 House types with prices ranging
from £38,200 to  £69,300'. The location is given as Dundrum,
thus revealing that those who accuse the buyers of snobbery have the same
opinion of these buyers as the developer; to talk of Dundrum in this context
is probably to try and conjure the image of a quaint little village on
the southside. To talk of Ballinteer might either draw a blank, or be associated
with the mass development of identical houses (which in fact it is), or,
worst of all, make potential buyers think of Tallaght, unemployment and
lowering property values". [6] In Varenne's view then, Irish people feel
that class is linked with address, and geographical divisions indicate
class divisions.

The view of Ireland being a classless society is also swept aside when
one looks at the notion of a growing 'underclass'; the long-term unemployed,
travellers, the homeless, single mothers. Wolfgang Weinz says that "it
has been assumed since the 1960's that the benefit of economic growth would
be available  to most participants in economic life. The rapid rise
in personal income disguised the continuing unequal distribution of national
income." [7] Despite the boom in employment and growth in the number of
well-paid, permanent positions, there has been no real change in the number
of long-term unemployed. There has been a growth on average of 1.6% per
year over the last 6 years, but in general it is the well-qualified young
people, who more than likely will have a degree or diploma of some kind,
who will benefit from this growth. Meanwhile, life in the sub-culture goes
on. Pat Rabbitte says that "the long-term unemployment phenomenon is clustered
in about half-a-dozen urban blackspots; that these areas are unplugged
from the real economy and that these huge concentrations of long-term unemployed 
for a variety of reasons possess zero power". [9] Cathleen O'Neill says
that many of these families are managed by lone parents, "who feel that
they prostitute themselves like women in the third world. They take dirty,
dangerous, illegal jobs, in order to make money, all the while looking
over their  shoulders in case they are reported to social welfare."
[10] It also seems that class divisions persist through generations. A
survey of youth unemployment in 1982 showed that the children of parents
who came from the lower professional class were 9 times more likely to
go on to third level than those whose parents came from unskilled manual
backgrounds. [11]

In 1992, the Dublin Accommodation Coalition for Travellers printed the
results of a survey in a pamphlet called "No Place To Go". The survey showed
that there were 652 traveller families (excluding those housed) with approximately
3000 children under 18 years in the greater Dublin area. Yet in 1994 there
were only 5 travellers in the entire country in third level education,
Surely in a classless society all socio-economic and minority groups attendance
at third level would be equally distributed.

In conclusion, we at S@E would argue that there is ample evidence that
Irish society is far from classless. Symbols of hereditary rank may not
be as obvious as for example, in the UK, but there are many other indicators
of class divisions in Ireland. Labour force surveys from 1982 show that
the children of unskilled manual workers are 3 times as likely to be unemployed
as the children of "lower professional and managerial" parents. [12]

We must consider also that there are poverty and class divisions in
rural society. Wealthy farmers traditionally give sites for housing to
their children, while poorer people join the council waiting list. It may
even be the case that a wealthy farmer can avoid income tax if he/she has
a good accountant, while the farm labourer who is in reality poorer cannot
avoid tax as they are on the PAYE system.

Such evidence has led Richard Breen to suggest that inter-generational
mobility patterns here "display greater inequality than in England or in
France, and considerably more inequality than in Sweden". [13] In plain
and simple English, this means that if you are born into a lower-class
background in Ireland, you have more chance of remaining there than in
other countries. Not alone are there different social classes in Ireland,
but there appears to be barriers to people moving up from one class to
another.

References:

1. Russell, Bertrand. "Political Ideals". (Unwin Paperbacks, London,
1963). P. 23.

2. Reid, Ivan. "Sociological Perspectives on School and Education".
(Open Books Publishing Ltd., London, 1978). P. 11.

3. Reid, Ivan.

4. Tierney, Mark. "Ireland since 1870". (The Educational Co., Dublin,
1992) P. 8.

5. Kenny, Shane. "The Election" from "Nealon's Guide to the 27th Dail
and Seanad". (Gill and MacMillan, Dublin, 1993). P. 170.

6. Varenne, Herve. Chapter entitled "Dublin 16", from "Irish Urban
Cultures". (W and G Baird Ltd., Belfast, 1993) P. 111.

7. Weinz, Wolfgang. Chapter entitled "Economic Development and Interest
Groups" from "Politics and Society in Contemporary Ireland". (Gower Publishing
Co., Aldershot, 1986). P. 100.

8. Eurostat Survey: "Employment; Percentage Change Per Annum 1987 -
1996".

9. Rabbitte, Pat. Article entitled "Government must aim to reintegrate
long-term unemployed into economy", from The Irish Times, October 30th
1995. P. 12.

10.  O'Neill, Cathleen. "Is Ireland A Third World Country?" (Beyond
The Pale Publications, Belfast, 1992). P. 77.

11. Sexton, J.J. "Survey of Youth Unemployment and the Transition from
Education to Working Life." (Final Report to the EEC Commission, Dublin,
1983). P. 30.

12.  Cross-tabulation of 1982 Survey of Youth Unemployment and
Transition from Education to Working Life.

13.  Breen, Richard. "The Sociology of Youth Unemployment", from
Administration", Vol. 33, No. 2, 1985. P. 178.

 

The Grace Bible fellowship produced the leaflet on the adjoining page.
They have a small cafe and chapel on Pearse Street next to Trinity House.
This leaflet was distributed outside the Gaiety Theatre for the duration
of the comic play, "The Bible - the complete Word of God (abridged)".

We're going to dissect their leaflet and deal with it piece by piece.
The first paragraph says that they "value truth and liberty of conscience."
If they value liberty and conscience, then why were they trying to stop
people attending a play that they have decided to attend of their own free
will? Nobody forced them to put money in the hands of the ticket sellers.
If they value truth then why have Christian Churches sought to censor those
who spoke out against them through the ages?

Paragraph 2: Just because someone declares that they are the way, the
truth, and the life, doesn't mean that they are. It doesnt mean that we
all have to live by what you believe in. David Icke claims he's the way,
the truth, and the life and many people all over the world probably do
as well, but we wouldn't put our faith in them and nor do you. We wouldn't
care if someone mocked them, because anyone who claims to be the son of
a deity, be it nowadays or 2000 years ago, deserves as much criticism as
humanly possible.

Paragraph 3: What's wrong with calling into question the central tenets
of the Christian faith? When it has caused so many deaths and so much inequality
in the world? When a person's religion is more important than who they
really are, it's time to call a halt to what's caused all this..

Paragraph 4: A virgin Birth is a joke. A girl I went to school with
claimed an immaculate conception once.. did Mary do the same? As for a
perfect character - come on, give us a break. Everyone gets in a bad mood
now and again. You cant expect a bloke to go through 33 years of life without
telling a nosy neighbour or harassing leper to fuck off now and again.
The healings? Well, doctors can bring dead people back to life as well,
but people don't go to church every Sunday to worship them.

Paragraph 5: Yes, the courts of Law, and politicians are shining examples
of what we should all aim to be.. like fuck.

Paragraph 6: Yes, imagine burning people, or locking them up in institutions
run by oppressive psychopaths for their beliefs or their "immoral" actions.
That would be a terrible, terrible thing.

Paragraph 8: The 60 year old constitution, created by a semi fascist
religious lunatic, does not reflect our society today, and should be changed
to suit a more pluralist society. All religion-state ties must be separated.

Paragraph 9: We dunno about these puritannical types, but we here at
S@E are definitely living for the moment. We don't intend to curb our desires
and actions because they will supposedly be 'judged' by 'God'to be immoral.
Also, if "whoever lives and believes in [Jesus] will never die", then why
is it that I see devout Christians kicking the bucket every day? That's
not the best knews we'll ever have, the best news is hearing that Abra
have a special offer for an extra kebab for just 10p.

Paragraph 10: Yes, if you believe in God, you'll be spared. Just come
to our Church and give us donations.

AS for the other leaflet distributed, make of it what you will. One
line says "The truth is that God exists and that Jesus Christ really did
die and rise again from the dead (facts accepted by Historians)." Considering
theres "historians" who believe that the Holocaust never happened, we wouldn't
put too much faith in them..

 Before I begin this article properly, I would like to make a disclaimer
of sorts. When I am discussing religion and the existence of "God", I will
be blinkered in certain aspects as the only religion that I have experience
of is that of the Roman Catholic Church. My concept of, "God", and what
he/she/it is, is that which I have learned from my peers, family and teachers,
all of whom are Roman Catholic. I have also

attended schools that had a Roman Catholic ethos (despite their status
as a National School and a Community School) and attended religion classes
where I was educated about the Catholic tradition. Undoubtedly my thoughts
of spirituality and organised religion would be different were I Protestant,
Jew, Hindu or Muslim. I hope his will not in any way seriously bias my
arguments but presumably on some concious or subconscious level it will.

 Theological discussion, on the rare occasions it arises, usually
occurs in the pub, and it is centred around the existence of God, or the
malpractices of the Catholic Church. Most people I talk to, generally accept
the existence of a God, but do not identify themselves with the Catholic
tradition. I do not identify with the Catholic tradition (despite being
a baptised and confirmed Catholic), nor do I believe in the existence of
a "God".

 The concept of God that I have is that of a creator. An infinite,
self-existent non-mortal being that knows, sees and hears all. God is like
a sphere, with no beginning and no end. God is independent from the mortal
world that he presides over. God is the maker of everything - to quote
from the Bookf Of Genesis:

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth
was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And
the spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. Then God said
'Let there be light', and there was light. And God saw the light, that
it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness. God called the
light Day, and the darkness He called Night. So the evening and the morning
were the first day..

Then God said, 'Let us make man in Our image, according to our likeness,
let them have domination over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the
air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing
that creeps on the earth'. So God created man in His own image; in the
image of God He created them; male and female he created them."

 God then, is the maker of all things - heaven and hell, the earth
and the cosmos, man and animal. God is all powerful.

 Here lies a source of conflict for me. If God is all powerful,
and allegedly has the power to create a world with living creatures, to
create the heavens and the stars, the light and the darkness; then why
does he not intervene in the affairs of the creatures he has created? If
he is a loving, caring God who cherishes all of his flock with equal love,
then why does he not use his powers to stop them from being raped, tortured,
beaten and murdered? Why would such a

(supposedly) loving creator let such evil occur in the world? To paraphrase
Luke Gibbons, "if one innocent baby dies, then there is no God". Believers
claim that all those who have perpetuated misery and evil in their mortal
lives will eventually face the wrath of God on Judgement Day. Their sins
and wrongdoings will forbid them from entering heaven. That is all well
and good, but Judgement Day appears no closer than it did nearly 2000 years
ago in the Time of Christ, and the judgement of evil people after they
die still does not explain or excuse why such a loving God would allow
it to happen in the world while people are still ailve and suffering.

 One argument that I do not believe in is the First Cause argument
for the existence of God, which was orignially conceived by Thomas Acquinas
in the 13th century, and which I first read about in Bertrand Russell's
book, "Why I am not a Christian". This argument stipulates that everything
that happens is caused by something else, and this something also has a
cause, and so on in a chain of events that must have a starting point somewhere.
In looking at the originis of our existence, the ultimate question

of a discussion usually results in something along the lines of, "who
created the universe?" (or, taking into account recent scientific theories,
"who or what caused the big bang?") The answer to this question for believers
is God. God is the first cause of everything.

 I cannot accept this. Taking the argument to what seems the logical
next step, I must ask the question, "who or what created God?" The believers
response to this, is that God is infinite. An infinite self-existent entity
who is not regulated by the laws of the universe. God was not created by
anyone or anything. God has always been present and always will be, even
after the human race has long expired.

 I fail to see how people can believe this. If the First Cause
argument, with the cause and effect hypothesis, is used by believers to
confirm the existence of God, then why is God the stopping point? Why does
a sequence have to have a beginning? I simply believe the universe is infinite.
Where believers assert the opinion that God has always been around us,
I believe the Universe has always been around us. It has no creator. It
is all encompassing. We have been created by the universe, by the gases
and stars within it.

 Considering all the evil in the world, and how much science has
proved much of the Church's teachings to be incorrect over the years (my
next point), I cannot see how a divine being exists, and how they created
us and everything around us.

 In the last 300 years, we have learned a great deal about the
world we live in, and the stars above our heads. Scientists have been experimenting
and astronomers have been searching the skies. Organised religion has always
been in conflict with scientists, from Galileo to Darwin; even up to present
day time the Church finds itself in conflict with experimental scientists
such as Dr. Ian Wilmut from the Roslin Institute in Scotland, where the
world's first mammal cloning has been achieved successfully. But why does
organised religion come into contact with science? It is because science,
through simple experimentation and observation, has proven much of the
Bible wrong, time and time again. We know in this day and age that the
sun does not rotate around the earth, and that the human race was not created
by God. Believers fear science, as what has been seen in the Bible to be
without fault, or that which has been decreed as the Word of God, has been
shown to be incorrect; annd this weakens the stature of the Bible as a
book of knowledge and wisdom for humankind to live by. This book was written
nearly two thousand years ago, when our knowledge of our surroundings was
now what it is today. And modern science has proven much of those beliefs
from two thousand years ago to be incorrect. It brings into question what
the human race believed at the time, when the religion we practice today
came into being. Although science has not disproved the existence of God,
the disproving of ideas in the Bible calls into question the nature of
religion. Is it something that we, as naive and paranoid, and unaware of
our surroundings, invented in our minds to keep ourselves from harm? Is
God something that we invented as an answer to philosphical questions when
we did not know what we know today? Science has proven beliefs from two
thousand years ago wrong, I believe that it is only a matter of time before
it unlocks the key to creation. This may be hundreds of years down the
road, but I consider it an inevitability.

 The final argument against the existence of God that I believe
in, is that known as the Sociological Theory of Religion which was developed
early this century by French Sociologists, mainly by the philosoper Emile
Durkheim. Here, society as a whole invents God and religion to bind its'
members together. In huge societies such as our own today, it would be
impossible for any one member to feel strong allegiance or sense of comradeship
to another who was unknown to them, perhaps geographically just a few miles
away. Religion then, unites society as a whole, and brings large groups
of unassociated individuals together, and binds them in a psychic unity.
Religion, and the existence of a judgemental higher being; is constructed
to unite mankind, and to give them rules and regulations to live by, so
anarchy does not reign. The existence of an afterlife is also conjured
up to prevent people from going insane, as the concept of mortality is
a difficult one to deal with. The promise of entry into Heaven, a utopia
for the deceased, when compared to eternal damnation in the fires of hell,
is enough to keep most people in check; and they will live good, wholesome
lives (or at least try), to secure their entry past the pearly gates.

 I think that overall the construction of religion and God in the
human mind is probably beneficial for society. Without, people would find
it extremely difficult to relate to their fellow man. The idea also that
you are not going to live forever would be impossible for people to deal
with, but with belief in the afterlife you are afforded a measure of comfort.
You do not have to face death with as much fear in your heart.

 The problem I have is the way that organised religion exerts control
over the people, rather than vice versa. I have problems with the Church's
attitude to homosexuals, women, drug-takers, those who engage in pre-marital
sex, those who use contraception, and those who do not share similar beliefs.
Individuals, although they are part of a greater society, must be allowed
some degree of autonomy in their lives. They do not need to be lectured
on every single moral issue. The can decide for themselves what path they
wish to choose. Their own personal morality should take precedence over
the morality of the Church. People are not fools, and they themselves are
often the best judge of their own personal situation. I also have a problem
with the money accumulated by organised religions. They take from the pockets
of the ordinary people to build, huge over-extravagant temples and places
of worship. High ranking members of the organisation live in the lap of
luxury, while those living by their churches rules on the breadline beg
to differ.

 Religion and God have lost their way in society and are no longer
a foce for guiding people to be kind to their fellow man. High ranking
members of organised religion in the world do not practise what they preach,
and religion often proves to be a source of conflict rather than harmony.
Religion and God may have benefits for our society but I believe that humankind
can live in a spirit of brotherhood without resorting to putting our faith
in two thousand year old beliefs that do not reflect the world we live
in today.

The smart ones among you will have heard of the ultra-shit cool radio
station called Power FM. It broadcasts on 98.7 and it is easily the best
station in Dublin. They have a wide range of dance music on offer, including
house, techno, d'n'b, hip-hop, ambient, garage, soul, funk, and anything
else you can think of that has some sort of beat behind it.

On St. Patricks Day, some scumbag went into the station, with a key,
and robbed the decks from the station, along with a CD deck and a DAT machine.
At the moment the station is using decks from the Live Sound Store until
they manage to cobble together the cash to get some new equipment. The
Live Sound Store is located on a road called Lotts. Its down the laneway
just between Middle Abbey Street and Bachelors walk quay. They have all
sorts of stuff there for your DJ needs, they also rent out sound systems
so if you want to have a big party in your gaf then this is the place to
go to for some huge big fuck off speakers.

To raise cash for the station, Power will be holding benefit nights
on May 7th in the Funnel (Independence), Friday May 8th (Phunk City), Wednesday
13th of May in the Kitchen (Blue).  you are well advised to go along.
We dont have details of the line-ups as yet, but you can bet that there
will be a good cross section of DJs playing good music, just like the station.
There will be flyers put out for it so keep your eyes peeled.

You can leave messages at their web site at http://powerfm.org. They
also have info on the station, a line-up, and loads of cool links. Theres
loads more benefit gigs around the city as well so go to them when you
see them. Keep supporting Irish pirate radio !!

 

Thanks to David Heagney from the Null Set for this info about upcoming
gigs..

Kepone sprang full grown from the Redneck underbelly of Richmond, Va.,
The sort of place that people make bad jokes about - "where shoes are a
luxury and pregnancy a career option". Richmond is deep in what the locals
still see as "The South" and has been described as the Capital of Institutionalized
Racism. Local banks still show their disregard of commonly accepted ideals
by consolidating Martin Luther King Day with the memory of Robert E. Lee
and Stonewall Jackson as the "Lee, Jackson, King Day".

Kepone took their name from a pesticide that was manufactured by the
Allied signal Corporation of Hopewell, Va. in the '70's. The sad story
goes that whilst Allied Signal were developing Kepone they discovered through
testing that even trace amounts of the chemical could cause severe neurological
damage if human beings came into contact with it. Despite this the now
rejected pesticide was dumped into the local Appomattox River where it
remains today covered by a layer of sediment preventing even the dredging
of the river.

Kepone are Tim Harriss (guitar/ vocals), Michael Bishop (Bass/ Vocals),
Ed Trask (drums, ex Washington DC's Holy Rollers).

Ed supplies "the locked-down precision rhythms" that would make the
Kodo drummers jealous. Michael lays down his bass lines with such feeling
that we would describe it as "funk" if all of you didn't immediately start
thinking of dross like Primus. Meanwhile, Tim plays his guitar as if he
was brought up on a diet of pure adrenaline tempered by repeated listenings
to the works of Hendrix, the Minutemen and early Bad Brains. All of this
topped off with the vibrant sweltering vocal harmony work outs of Tim and
Michael. The finished product comes across, according to one observer,
like "iron jazz meets screech rock."

Kepone play The Funnel Bar on Monday the 1st. of June with support from
Jackbeast and The Waltons and Belfast on Tuesday the 2nd. of June with
support from The Null Set.

 

Pram "North Pole Radio Station": Ex Too Pure heads on a very, very wierd
tip. This might be that post-rock a la Tortoise? I dunno how you would
classify it.. sort of shoegazer-esque but with a hint of the wierdness
of Mercury Rev. Examples of it going slightly mental? Look at the lyrics
of 'Cinnabar': "uncomfortable insects/scuttling from path to path/leading
our maggot lives/dreaming of becoming flies". Make what you will of that.
Other times though its very relaxed, and easy to listen to - the slowed
down spaciness of "sleepy sweet" is nice, meanders around with the singer
dreamily charming you around her finger with her soothing tones.. but then
at other points, like the opener 'Omnichord', it sounds like she's singing
off-key on purpose, several scales too high. Mixed bag of tricks this LP,
hard to put my finger on what its missing to make it that extra bit better.
Perhaps it needs a bit of meatiness. Some of the tracks, like 'fallen snow',
or 'the Clockwork Lighthouse' threaten to burst into life occasionally,
but just end up running out of steam (if they ever had any steam). But
I've listened to it several times now, and the fluffiness of the xylophones
is growing on me, just like Dave from Road Records said it would. Still
needs more direction or something that would give it an extra bite.

Sneaker Pimps "Becoming Remixed". And then a million miles from the
meanderings of Pram, you have this. As meaty as the prize bull that's been
fattened with kilos of angel dust, the opener is Armand Van Helden's "Dark
Garage Mix" of Spin Spin Sugar, which was a big club hit. It's pure garage
tackiness, after two minutes this wobbler of a dirty rumble bass undercurrent
nips in under the beats. I can't help but like it though, I've always had
a very soft spot for Armand ever since he did the classic "Witch Doctor"
years ago, brilliant tune, pure E-head filth music with air horns and build-ups..
I get fierce abuse from friends who'd be more into their DJ Shadow and
Big Beat and the like, just for liking this track, but fuck them. Its ace,
as Clodagh would say, if she were here. Armand's Bonus Dub of the same
track (S.S. Sugar) doesnt do quite the same as the first one, much more
dark and not as floor-oriented, with breaks in the beats. Roni Size's Reprazent
do their d'n'b take on 'Post-Modern Sleaze' which could  have come
straight from their own NewForms LP. Not bad at all. Tuff Jam do their
shit on 'Walking Zero' which works out quite well. Very housey of course,
but much more subtle, as you would expect, than Armand's reworkings. The
second half of the LP slows down considerably. The Perfecto Mix of "6 Underground"
was surprisingly good - I was expecting a track with Oakenfold's alias
to be full of naff goa-esque rubbish - quite mellow and dirty, lots of
shimmery cymbal rides. The Americaniser mix of Tesko Suicide is also dirty
but heavy and distorted, almost like Curve. The Fold Mix of Roll-On and
the Ladyswell Mix of 6 Underground get trip-hop treatment, while the closer,
"Flight from Nashville (PMSleaze)" strays miles from the opener, a very
4ADish mellow tune, seemingly devoid of any programmed beats... overall
then a mixture of dance styles, loses a bit of interest for me towards
the end, after the initial stompers. Also, despite being a remix LP, it's
full price, so in that respect its not worth it. Listen to it first on
the shops headphones/stereo and pick your fave track and buy it on single
instead, rather than fork out for a whole LP's worth of remixes.

Gus Gus "Polyesterday" (Part 2). Hmmm... the first time I heard this
lot was on the "Anakin" 4AD compilation CD (reviewed in S@E 31). I wasnt
brilliantly impressed by their track "Blue Mug" but it was ok. This 4 track
CD EP is particularly unimpressive. Title track is a lame, funky, damp
squib, with vocals that sound more like something from a failed Icelandic
Eurovision entry, rather than a supposed 'progressive' music collective.
The Amon Tobin Mix of the same track offers little relief, the vocals even
seem to have been lowered a pitch, and sounds like a drag queen after a
few cocktails too many. 'Gun' is pathetic - probably the worst chorus lyrics
I've heard in a long time - "take that gun/blow your mind/take that gun/go
ahead and make my day". You'd expect better from the likes of Def Leppard
or even AC/DC. "Why" lifts this EP just above being a complete waste of
my time (and my money). Nice distorted female vocals (thank fuck) over
a very slow mellow background w/ slo-mo dampened beats. One moment of pleasure
in an otherwise painful and irritating experience. Gus Gus are recieving
loads of favourable press at the moment. They're the new sound of Iceland
apparently, mixing artistic influences into their music. If this is the
best that they can offer (and Polyesterday has been on medium rotation
on MTV) then Iceland has a lot to answer for. Not good enough from an excellent
label like 4AD.

People I hate

1. Central Bank Loiterers: On Saturdays you see them, this bunch of
angst ridden schoolkids all trying to out-angst one another in their Kurt
t-shirts. Nothing is more pathetic than pubescent mid-teenage confusion,
except when it's done in public. Go home the lot of you and do your homework.
And stop making so much noise. Arseholes.

2. Skateboarders: You aren't the shit, you're just shit. Having a piece
of wood with wheels on it doesnt mean you're the fucking coolest people
about. And for fucks sake pull up your trousers. And maybe if any of you
actually skated and didn't carry your board around like a fashion accessory
we might have an ounce of respect for you. Unlikely though. And you're
all rich kids as well, so fuck you.

3. Punks: It's not the 1970s anymore. Grow up. Your parents in Dalkey/Terenure/Dun
Laoighre/D4/some other safe Southside suburb are actually ok, aren't they
the ones who are financially supporting you. Stop putting on a hard Dublin
accent and pretending you're mad, you aren't. You're sad. And the ones
with mohawks and multiple piercings are just as much poseurs as the people
they slag off. So fuck them.

4. New Clubbers. People like Thayl who dont appreciate stuff like good
old stompin techno and sleazy house for the pure dancing nature of it.
They only like stuff like drum'n'bass and big beat and shop in Hobo, absolutely
the worst shop in Dublin, and incomprehensibly popular. Fuck you Thayl
!!! Go to some place with a strobe and 3 E's with house/techno coming out
of the speakers and then you'll see how good your big beat is.

 

 

Newsgroups: uk.music.rave,alt.rave

Subject: Mean Fiddler - at it again '98

Organization: no spam today thanks

Ho-hum. There were some hopes that the Mean Fiddler might have changed
their attitude a little after splitting up with Universe, but it seems
they're still the same profit-at-any-cost outfit.

Check out this article sent in by a local resident (also posted up on
my website

 http://www.urban75.com/Rave/fiddler.html) for the background
to this year's event. I've also just read the latest piece of drivel from
Universe in their advertising, so expect a similar rant about them soon!

Mike

"Mean Fiddler - at it again '98.

Despite having split with fellow-profiteers Universe, the Mean Fiddler
continues to rake in the money on the back of rave culture. Despite their
bogus claims to be part of the 'underground' and concerned with 'Mother
Earth', this year they've chosen to hold their own festival...on land designated
as a Site of Scientific Special Interest!

Twyford Down is now permanently split by the cutting that carries the
M3 extension on a route chosen only for maximum convenience for the City
of Winchester. The planning process itself was biased towards the interests
of the developers and the voices of the small number of villagers and environmentalists
were effectively silenced by a system that denies protesters the right
of appeal. The same decisions were made at Newbury, and again protest was
silenced by a system that gives a right of appeal only to the developer.

The scale of the protest, and the anger that each decision induced should
have had an effect upon those who make planning decisions. The City of
Winchester saw the fiercest protests against the unnecessary destruction
of a Site of Special Scientific Interest (SSSI), and it may be thought
that this experience would affect future decisions in the area. Sadly,
at the first serious test since Twyford Down Winchester has yet again failed
to respect the landscape in which it is set.

A short distance to the east of the city is the startling natural amphitheatre
of Cheesefoot Head. Within sight and sound of the Twyford Down cutting
and with a view over the Solent to the Isle of Wight, this site lies within
an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty. If you were at Twyford Down, the
site was the next hill to the north with a small grove of trees at the
top of the hill. It is designated as a SSSI, and has for many years been
associated with an elaborate series of crop circles. Beneath the site,
and frequently visible in the heat of summer are the walls of a Roman Villa.
At this place Eisenhower addressed the D-Day troops before embarkation,
and since then the site has been preserved, in the words of the AONB's
charter 'for the quiet enjoyment of all.'

At the forthcoming May Bank Holiday, that dedication to providing a
tranquil place for anyone to contemplate the beauty of the South Downs
will end. A wall of steel will be erected around the site, and within it
a second wall. The view from the South Downs Way will be obscured, public
car parking closed. Walkers will see nothing but vertical walls where there
used to be open views across the rolling countryside and the Itchen Valley.
The SSSI lying between the barriers will be patrolled by Security guards,
protecting the wild flowers by trampling them underfoot. Surrounding villages
will be walled off from contact with the access to the site and an estimated
50,000 people will descend to occupy this previously unspoiled arena. Most
are expected to drive to the area from London, all will be expected to
park on the fragile Down.

The site will be occupied by Mean Fiddler as a site for the resurrection
of their 'Tribal Gathering' previously held at Luton Hoo in Bedfordshire.
The greed of a local land owner and the naivet of the City Council were
sufficient to give Mean Fiddler carte blanche to occupy a SSSI without
consideration for the damage to the site or the feelings of the local population
still shocked by the damage inflicted at Twyford Down. Any faith in the
licensing process was destroyed by the media blitz mounted by Mean Fiddler.
A carefully constructed video showed the nice middle class teenagers who
will attend, and the care that will be taken to restore the site after
use, although those who noticed that the 'before' and 'after' shots were
identical were not encouraged to comment on this strange similarity. The
friendliness between the City Council staff and the Mean Fiddler team,
all of whom were on first-name terms did not pass unnoticed either, and
the decision to grant a licence seemed to be inevitable.

Mean Fiddler also represented to the media that the only protest made
was by a small number of local people. Indeed it was a small number, the
villages surrounding the site are tiny with populations of the order of
200-300 per village. However the opposition was unanimous, every village
objected and the overwhelming majority of residents in each village objected.
The total number protesting may have been under 2,000 but that represents
almost the entire population of the area. Their protests did not matter,
what did matter was the millions to be made by Mean Fiddler from this event,
the greed of the organisation taking precedence over the needs of the few
local people. There is no time to mount an appeal against the decision,
and Mean Fiddler have vowed to take legal action to ensure that the festival
goes ahead no matter how insensitive their actions are seen to be, no matter
what the damage to the site.

There is however an effective means of protest, and it hits Mean Fiddler
where it hurts, where they deserve to be hurt. Simply don't come to the
event, save your money, don't buy a ticket. A stay away protest sends the
clearest message; no interest, no festival, no damage. The site can then
return to its status as a SSSI, there for 'the quiet enjoyment of all.'
Visit any time for free, enjoy the scenery, and appreciate one of the few
unspoiled corners of the South Downs.

Just don't visit the festival, don't line Mean Fidler's pockets, don't
let big business walk over the lives of small people."

(c) Steve Firth

(PS Don't spread it around, but there's a nasty rumour that ticket sales
aren't going too well. Shame that, eh?)

--

http://www.urban75.com/    UK underground eco-rave-protest-drugs-e-zine

"the finest & best designed independent site in Britain" 
Dly Telegraph

"the most relevant, innovative site of the nineties"  Internet
Magazine

    to e-mail me, it's : m i k e (*at*) u r b a n 7
5 (*dot*) c o m

 

Mira Calix "Pin Skeeling": Chantal, I've been waiting over a year for
this since your first beautiful 10" 'Llanga' flooded my speakers. The sheer
brilliance of both tracks blinds me still. Initially I couldnt get my head
around what you were doing but after hundreds of listens I understand.
'Ms. Meteo' starts this four track EP and again, like 'Llanga', initially
very difficult to take in all at once. The distorted vocals of "take me
to the sunshine" wander in and out of a disjointed mesh of beats which
take a more definite structure as the song progresses. The EP was produced
by Mark "Disjecta/Seefeel/Woodenspoon" Clifford and I picked up his sound
immediately, the melody of 'Ms. Meteo' is typical Clifford-esque drone
circa. 'Succour'. I've mixed feelings about the track but it will grow
on me, I can feel it. Warm yet at the same time just that slight bit edgy
to make it interesting. 'Sandsings' reminds me very much of 'Humba' from
the first 10", and its got this noise that resembles a coin rattling around
in a jar, that must have been stolen (without a doubt) from Seefeel's "minky
starshine" track from the plainsong EP on Too Pure in 1993. Add in some
seriously dangerous vocals, distortion, an ultra low rumble that made me
think a plane was passing my house, and scary ambience, it all sums up
to a brilliant, paranoid track. I still cant get over how much it sounds
like a Seefeel record in places.  The Stylophone mix of Sandsings
by Vendor Refill is much more upbeat simply by the presence of breakbeats.
Still quite haunting because of the vocals and melody but made more palatable
for the masses with the beats. I like it but I much prefer the original.
Boards Of Canada also do a remake of Sandsings, which fits much better
with Chantal's disjointed sound. It's like some very fucked up hip-hop
where the beats are almost randomly falling into place, but it's very warm
also (typical of BOC, from what I've listened to by them, in my opinion).
Nice, if a little unchanging throughout. Difficult to stomach in places,
this EP, like the first Mira Calix release, is slightly demented and will
take getting used to but I can see myself listening to this one over and
over again.

B12 "3EP": B12 return, their last release AFAIK was the "Time Tourist"
LP, if I'm correct, which was quite a while ago. This three tracker sees
a bit of a change in sound for them. Much more breakbeat influenced than
their older stuff, but still retains some of the original sound. "Dave
Brubeck" opens the EP, it threads a thin line between techno and breakbeat,
with the regular beats every so often crashing together. Wierd quirky melody
also. Not bad. "Joe Morello, Live" starts off like a slower Squarepusher
number, with a breakbeat hopping all over the place, slightly muffled,
then the filters open and at the same time a dark melody swoops in, and
then begins to grow and growl, and then the beats get harder and louder.
It takes off from there, bouncing and echoing around, fading and building
up, wandering from quiet to noisy. "Ron Carter" is nice, warm, low-squelchy
fatness. Again, like the other two, its very much breakbeats down to the
ground. Overall not bad but nothing really brilliant or impressive that
caught my attention.

Alpha "Slim": Alpha are, as we said back in S@E 29, probably the sleaziest
band around at the moment. They recently played support to the over-rated
Massive Attack in the Olympia. We were very enthusiastic about seeing them
but not enthusiastic enough to fork out 15 quid for it. If anyone taped
Alpha's gig then please get in touch. Slim is, like  most numbers
from the ComeFromHeaven LP, slow, dreamy and blissed out. Quite infectious
vocals also, Helen White teases you, and I have this picture in my mind
of her sprawled naked across a sofa with a glass of wine in her hand, playing
games with me, trying to get me to beg to have sex with her, and she always
wins. The Underdog Remix of Slim is very noisy, crashing drum'n'bass, and
on it's own it probably would have been good. But for me, it spoils the
track, it should have been left alone as it was. Hazeldub, a head-noddin,
slightly upbeat affair from the LP, also gets the d&b treatment in
the MoreRockers Mix. Not bad but again it spoils the original for me. Firefly
gets toned down even more in the Reciever Mix. Quite isolated sounds surrounding
Martin Barnards voice. Very relaxing and mellow. I like this EP in places
but I've grown to like ComeFromHeaven so much it sometimes seems like a
crime to remix any of the tracks from it. Still, I suppose its good of
Alpha to be willing to let other producers fuck around with their sound.
IT shows that they're open to other influences.  Alpha have been compared
to Portishead a lot, but one of the criticisms of Portishead is that they
haven't evolved much since their debut. Maybe Alpha will avoid that mistake
by being comfortable with their sound changing direction.

 

This time we think we've pushed it too far. We've had our run-ins before,
but none as bad as this one. It seemed like we'd pushed Dublin-Bus,thefacist-multinational-childslavelabour-armsdealers-baby-killers-landminemaking-state
subsidised-monopoly too far.

A Dublin Bus spokesman knocked into our sl@nted offices revealing that
as a direct implication of s@e, and its     "repeated
attacks on ordinary working ppl," and giving their managers "stress levels
that were, like, through the roof"      there
would be a "complete cessation of all Dublin Bus services after March ??th"
because "we work really hard, and can't take a slag" Their reasons for
this are as follows:

1)Stripes "short-story" in s@e 28 emotionally scarred many of their
drivers.  All bus drivers refuse to drive the ?? route for fear of
Adidas-hat-wearing  little scum bags boarding and squirting blood
into their eyes. They also took offence at the bus-driver in the story
pissing himself. A spokesman went on the record, stating  "This is
a regular problem for our bus drivers. They did not like it when this information
was available in the public domain. Also their mothers are seriously contemplating
having words with Stripes parents." The statement also cited cases of "aggressive
taunting" of drivers  by "little young bubble-jacket wearing hoodlums"
who repeatedly shouted "piss-pants" at  their drivers, as a "direct
consequence" of s@e's "child like behaviour."

2)The management quite literally didn't go to work for a week after
s@e 31 hit the streets, fearing public stoning for being "found out" by
s@e. Seems like their plan to make serious wads of cash and with their
"2 easy" cards idea was foiled. They thought the largely apathetic Irish
public wouldn't notice the extortionate hike in prices, never mind the
fact they had to buy a new card every day. The spokesman then went on to
tell us about how the Taoiseach himself became personally involved, and
that he promised to "wage war on the immoral and seedy underground freezine
scene, and that the shits behind this publication will have the book thrown
at them. A big book. Like, one of those proper books, not a crummy folded
piece of A4 photocopied paper that they print! Yuk,  yuk, yuk!" 
Subsequently newsagents of Dublin, and surrounding areas announced an official
boycott of S@E and all sl@nted products after "sl@nted's irresponsible
and blatant abuse of the freesheet mediumm by advertising the so calle
Travel-jump card. This card has never been available, and valuable shelf
stacking time has been wasted by having to tell ppl to "fuck off" whenever
they asked for "the Travel-jump card that I saw in s@e". But, official
sources in Dublin Bus have confirmed that, as we go to press, the "Travel-jump"
cards are actually available, due to the "unbelievable demand produced
by Thayl's mockery of the Dublin Bus card system." The source then confirmed
that the board of Dublin bus was "in shock" at Thayl's "ability to come
out with the most unbelievable amount of waffle in his pieces for s@e".
This confirmed  our long suspicion that Thayl's articles were largely
unreadable by anybody that doesn't know the guy. Soon after, SIPTU called
for an immediate ban of their members from reading s@e, trying to keep
up their radical image after the airport fiasco. Leon Jospan, the French
socialist Prime Minister jumped on the ever-growing-longer bandwagon by
calling for a " world wide ban on s@e, the pig fascist sheet that it is."

Fortunately, Thayl actually bumped into Peter MacAllister, the chairman
of Dublin Bus, at Kerbdog in the Mean Fiddler a while ago, Thayl thought
he was pretty cool, actually, and when he offered that Thayl went back
to a party in his gaff, Thayl jumped at the chance. Peter actually had
a shit load of dope, and a good looking daughter, so Thayl, the toe-rag
that he is, decided to act on behalf for ourselves at sl@nted towers, and
signed a peace treaty there and then. Huh! So, as long as we publish a
sincere apology, and a give a good review of Peter MacAllister's new speed-goth
album coming out on the c.i.e. label. So, on behalf of s@e, I, Singer,
humbly apologise to Dublin Bus, especially their drivers. Expect the speed-goth
review next month kiddies, from the tracks I've heard it sounds pretty
cool.

The NullSet, Jackbeast, Us Maple. The Funnel. Another S@E, another Nullset
review..... *snigger* Being quite surpriseddisappointed, even, that the
Nullset were in fact the opening act, but still, there was a good crowd
there, and the Funnel is a great place, and should be even better soon,
what with the opening of the downstairs lounge. (open now, of course -
Ed)

 The NullSet played a healthy mix of songs I knew, and didn't
know. Maybe I've got a short memory or something, but they seem to play
different sets each time I see them. Plenty of strange experimental guitar
instrumentals, and their songs which by now I'm totally familiar with are
still excellent. Pity about the short set though, considering it was kinda
their gig and all...... Actually, I procured a tape from them after the
gig, they're releasing a mini-album in a few weeks, and I got the finished
tape. It's pretty damn good, it's good walk man material, there's nothing
like a bit of sebadoh-esque heavy-pavement-rocking to wake ya up in the
morning on the way to college..... I'm sure I'll give it a review when
it comes out proper, until then I'll just be the NullSet's best unpaid
publicist and tell anybody who walks near me about how great they are,
and that they *have* to get their 10" entitled "Music For Robots" comes
out. It will be in the shops by the end of June. Also available at a launch
gig at the beginning of July (lineup to be confirmed), and by mail order
over the modern internet. 2 songs from the albumish thing is downloadable
(mp3 format) from their web site- www.connect.ie/users/dheagney , Back
to the

gig...

Jackbeast were a bit disappointing. I was expecting loads of shouty,
noizy, kicking-breaky-change-rhthym bits, but their songs seemed less disjointed
and more rockish, nothing interesting like. The songs they played that
I knew were still pretty good, but I dunno, their set seemed more rock,
and less jerky-punk-stuff. I preferred their

"old" sound ,but it might be that I've experienced more punk music
since first seeing the 'beast.....

 I'm sure that anybody who was at this gig, or has even glimpsed
Us Maple has severe sympathy for yours truly at the moment. How the hell
am I going to review Us Maple? Agh! I was considering telling Stripe that
I didn't go to the gig, I went to the cinema instead, but I couldn't lie
to him, he'd sack me.... :) Briefly, they were the most messed up thing
I have ever seen. I was down at the back for the  first while, and
they sounded kinda like Primus, but completely jerky, changing rhythms
and tunes at their will, they had no sense of the concept of a song was,
never mind keeping to a time signature. I think they stopped the onslaught
four times, they just mangled the "songs" together ("songs" being used
in the loosest  literal sense, there). But, when I ventured up front.....
ohmygod! Their stage "act" was unbelievable. OK, their vocalist (I hesitate
to say singer...) wore horrible 80's rawk gear, black leather cacks, and
a woeful black vest, which showed off his wonderful chest hair. Mmmmmmmm.
Gorgeous. But what was even more jaw dropping was his stage presence, he
was either staring manically out beyond the audience or just shouting randomly,
he seemed totally schizophrenic, just shouting, jerking and staring, sometimes
giving instructions to the rest of the band, and, the odd time, actually
singing. So, basically I stared at him, in bewilderment, from time to time
noticing the drummer, who'd spasm a few rolls, totally overacting his performance.

 It was, quite simply, madness. But it was wonderful entertaining
madness. Totally refreshing. Us Maple are fucked up in the head. But, they're
every bit genius as they are messed up. Do not hesitate to see them, it's
an experience.

"Alpha Relish Productions" is a new, well, booking agency, as such taking
on the mighty likes of MCD and emmmmmm, the Hope Collective, in the ever
competitive Dublin gig booking scene.  . The Us Maple gig (see review
elsewhere) was their first production, and it was mighty good. Their idea
is to bring over bands, usually in the "so alternative and good you've
never heard of them, but honest, guv, they're great". They plan on bringing
"Polaris" and "sdkjbvnmsdbvv" over soon enough, and they tell us they plan
to be pretty active in the future. So, if you're in a shit band, and you
want gigs that pay well and to play to respective and enthusiastic audiences,
then piss-off and come back when you've learnt how to make good music.
If you're in a decent band, or know of any band that you think should get
a gig with this crew then get in contact with dheagney@ollamh.ucd.ie or
write to

   11 John Field Road

   Bride Street

   Dublin 8

   Ireland

keep up to date on the web with their web site which is www.connect.ie/dheagney
Oh, if ya recognise the URL, its coz Mr Heagney himself is the drummer
in the NullSet, whose URL is in a review elsewhere. Ok, heres what gigs
are coming up soon..don't forget the ultramack gigs coming up in the Temple
Bar music centre, they're music along these lines...."come" and "shellac"
are playing, good enough bands them.......any way, heres the line up.

-Kepone (U.S.A. / 1/4 Stick), Jackbeast, The Waltons. Monday 1st. June

*Quint (U.K. / Southern), The Null Set, Das Madman. Last weekend in
July.

*Lungleg (U.K. / Vesuvius). August.

*Smart Went Crazy (U.S.A. / Dischord)

*Melt Banana (Japan / Skingraft)

*Polaris (Leeds, England)

 

Structuralism and Fucking

Seeing as how it's the 30th anniversary of May 1968 and all that jazz,
we've decided to ressurect (with a little help from our good friend Clodagh,
who has moved on to bigger and better things) two of our favourite French
philosophers from the grave, Claude Levi-Strauss and Michel Foucault. We
brought them down to the Funnel, stuck a few drinks in them and let them
get talking. Here's what they had to say to each other.

S@E: We're going upstairs now. Anodyne is on. Are you two alright to
sit here and drink more?

LS: Yes we're fine. We can look after ourselves.

S@E: Right then, back later.

LS: OK, see you. Anyway Mick, I believe there is something deep in my
mind which makes it likely that I was always what is now being called a
structuralist.

MF: Ever since you were in nappies, eh?

LS: Well, yes actually. My mother told me that when I was about two
years old and still unable to read, I claimed to be able to read. When
asked why I said that when I looked at the signs over shops, for example:
boulanger (baker) or boucher (butcher) I was able to read them because
what was obviously similar from a graphic point of view, in the writing
could not mean anything other than "bou". Probably there is nothing more
than that in the structuralist approach.

MF: Nothing more than a silly childish view opinion that you know how
to read just because you recognise a similar pattern of letters over every
store that sells the same produce?

LS: No, no, no. Structuralism is the quest for the invariant, or for
the invariant elements among superficial differences. However, I think
the way that structuralism has been considered as something completely
new and revolutionary is stupid. What we call structuralism in the field
of linguistics, or anthropology or whatever is nothing other than a very
pale and faint imitation of what the hard sciences have been doing all
the time. Science has only two ways of proceeding: by being either reductionist
or structuralist. Reductionist when it is possible to find out that very
complex phenomena on one level can be reduced to simpler phenomena on other
levels.

MF: And what happens when we are confronted with phenomena too complex
to be reduced to phenomena of a lower order?

LS: We can only approach then by looking at their relationships, by
trying to understand what kind of original system they make up. That is
what I endeavour to do, for it is impossible to conceive of meaning without
order, I am bothered by the irrational and am trying to find an order behind
what is given to as a "disorder".

LS: Anyway Mick, tell us about this thing called post-structuralism.
I thought you were a structuralist yourself?

MF: Don't call me Mick. And don't call me a structuralist. Although
many of my ideas may be similar to those of others who would label themselves
structuralists, I do not like to be associated with that particular movement
or term.

LS: Okay, I'm sorry. Go on anyway, will you.

MF: Yes, well, my version of post-structuralism goes beyond other thinkers'
concepts of structuralism. Including your own, Claude. Most concepts and
discourse of structuralism, for example those of Saussure, focus on the
construction of language and meaning in the human mind and what way this
manifest itself in our culture, in such things as myths, symbols and other
things that we create around ourselves.

LS: How does your version go beyond all this?

MF: Well, basically what I propose is that our main point of reference
in trying to understand man, should be shifted from its current laws of
language and signs to a different one.

LS: What is that other reference point?

MF: That of conflict. That of war and battle. That man, through history
has been fighting inside himself. That there is a constant friction between
power and bodies. That man must be constantly rebelling to stop power exerting
itself over his body.

LS: Hey Michel, you aren't very with the 90's.

MF: What do you mean?

LS: You're not PC, all this reference to "man" this and "man" that,
50% of the world's population are women, you know.

MF: It's just a phrase, a force of habit. At least when my name is mentioned
in the oh so advanced '90s, people don't immediately think of overpriced
trousers.

LS: Oooh, that's below the belt.

MF: Exactement.

LS: Let's keep this discussion academic, my friend, Firstly I wish to
explain some elements of the structuralist viewpoint. True, structuralists
focus on such things as language, meaning, myths and symbols. I consider
language to be the most formative feature of human culture. It provides
us with the basis for all subsequent cultural patternings, even where they
appear to be of a totally non-linguistic nature, including conflict, war
and battle.

MF: Any examples of what you're on about?

LS: Through my research of various types of "cold" societies I expanded
on the system of "phonemic differences" which Saussure and Jakobson discovered,
and showed "cold" societies to be co-ordinated by an integrated system
of kinship elements which operate according to a hidden logic of binary
oppositions.

MF: What do you mean by cold societies?

LS:  By that I mean mythic or ritual structures of societies which
do not undergo change, they preserve the most explicit evidence for the
permanent structures of human thinking)

MF: Okay.

LS: And as for myths, they possess their own kind of reason which operates
according to a logic of unconscious symbolism as powerful as scientific
logic. It seems that we in the west have become oblivious to the existence
of such logic as we become more obsessed with technological progress. Myth
is ultimately a process of problem-solving. It attempts to find solutions
at a structural level of logic for problems, which remain insoluble at
the empirical level of experience.

MF: Well, can you give me a solution? What effect does myth have on
us?

LS: I feel that the most universal trait of human culture is the desire
to signify, in many of the societies I studied, people first as whether
something is "good to symbolise" before asking whether it is "good to eat".
Our human need to communicate through signs appears to come before even
the most material needs of biological usage. Coded or symbolic relations
of exchange perform as a language system, which as I said earlier is the
most formative feature of human culture. But, back to your point, Michel,
as a super-structuralist you feel that the constant friction between power
and bodies should be the main reference point in trying to understand human
beings.

MF: That's right, what I've been trying to show in my concept of post-structuralism
is that power is directly related to the human body. I want to outline
why I think that power relations pass directly into the body before we
even begin to have it constructed by things like language and signs.

LS: Ah come on now, how else are these outside mystical powerful forces
passed onto the body without the use of language or signs. They simply
bypass it do they? In what way do these "power relations" operate and interact
with our bodies?

MF: Ok, as far as I am concerned, they operate in either one of two
ways. We'll take a look at the first one and come back to the second one
in a while. The first one is power asserting itself over the will of the
body. Power relations have a strong hold over it, they coerce it, condition
it, and make it function in the real world.

.

LS: So power exerts itself over the body, can you give me any examples
of this?

MF: Hmm.. of course. Let's take a look at "La Volonte de Savoir" or,
as it was changed to by the US translators "The History of Sexuality, Volume1".
In this book, I discuss the development of sexuality in the human mind
since Renaissance times, and how power was exerted over the body. Before
the advent of modern capitalism, sexuality was discussed relatively openly.
Sexual organs were referred to by their proper names in conversation. There
was no mystical aura surrounding sexuality - it was seen as something natural
and healthy. People were not prosecuted for "crimes" that would be considered
obscene or illicit in later years.

LS: Then what happened?

MF: Basically, a power exerted itself over our bodies. Our sexuality
was repressed. It was only allowed to be talked of in one place, and that
was the parent's bedroom. It primary function was designated as reproduction;
sex for pleasure alone was a sin, something that our bodies should not
engage in. It was a secret act. The Victorians tried to stamp out as much
as possible evidence of sex in the public eye. And what they could not
stamp out, they made sure sexuality was confined to special illicit places,
like the brothel or the asylum. There, sex or "deviancy" was kept hidden
from the general public. The client or the lunatic could engage in whatever
"perversions" they wished, without them being exposed.

LS: Well, that's just one generation being told what to do. How could
this have possibly been passed down to future generations?

MF: A power passes directly into our structure. It embeds itself in
our very being and it is passed on from generation to generation. At the
same time as the damning of sex, a whole new discourse on child sexuality
arose. Most of it condemned perfectly natural things like masturbation.
Children were discouraged from engaging in it. But because it was talked
about so much, then it was natural that some children would do it in private,
out of curiosity. But they did so with guilt. And so any feelings they
had of pleasure were also associated with shame. The goal of the capitalists
may not have been to eradicate altogether, but to associate any sexual
pleasure with guilt. So therefore future generations' sexuality would be
tinged with shame, and sex would be considered unhealthy and unnatural.

LS: But why would the Victorians, or any society try to exert such a
power over our bodies? What possible benefits could it have?

MF: It all ties into the Capitalist ethos. The working classes were
needed to produce. The bourgeoisie and industrialists needed their labour.
they needed as much effort and manpower that they could get from these
workers.

LS: You seem to be taking something of a Marxist slant there, the working
class struggle and all that. You know that Marxism is one of my "three
mistresses", the other two being psychoanalysis and geology. I am interested
in these disciplines because of their shared resolve to disclose the hidden
universal strata of meaning that lie beneath the constantly changing surface
phenomena of our world, rather than their literal content. They deal with
the strata of earth formations, the unconscious and socio-economics. However,
all three show that understanding consists in the reduction of one type
of reality to another, true reality is never the most obviously real.

MF: The problem with sex is that it is quite a leisurely activity. To
be enjoyed fully, one should take ones' time, engage in play, interact
with your partner. It is also quite an energetic activity. If the working
class were putting all their energies into their sexual relations and bear
in mind that this was quite a widespread pursuit as they did not enjoy
material wealth to indulge in other pastimes, then they would not have
the energy needed for manual labour. Most people after such an experience
generally enjoy a cuddle with their partner or if you were like me, you'd
go straight to sleep. You don't want to go to work. People spending their
time in bed was incompatible to what the industrialists wanted.

LS: Sounds more like a conspiracy theory than a philosophy to me, and
I also feel that you are taking things at face value, there is much more
to the sexual taboos of a society than that, as a structural anthropologist
I feel it is my duty to delve into the hidden logic of the structures which
underpin the operations of a culture. But I would like to hear more. That
is an example of power exerting itself over the body. You said there was
two different ways that power and bodies interact with each other. What's
the other way?

MF: It's the body's own power. The body opposes the power being exerted
over itself. Our body fights against being repressed.

LS: That's a very revolutionary concept...

MF: Yes. In my opinion we are all continually in flux. There is a constant
conflict in every single one of us. This conflict is a source of revolution.

S@E: Do you two want another pint?

MF: Yeah, same again please.

LS: I'll have a Carlsberg this time thanks. Anyway, getting back to
what we were saying... is this conflict inherent in everyone?

MF: Of course. It is the structure that emerges inside us, even before
we begin to comprehend other "base" structures, such as language.

LS: Well, you have talked about power exerting itself over the body
with regard to our sexuality. Can you give me any examples of the body
fighting against that power? Surely in modern times we have managed to
combat this repression, we are now much more open.

MF: Yes, these days with so much talk of out "repression" we are indeed
a more open and liberal society. But it is my belief that this new-found
liberalism only  arises from the myths that were enforced on us before.
Our new found sexual freedom is misplaced, an only stems from our misconceptions.

LS: You're losing me now..

MF: Our freedom is not really freedom. We are only discussing out repression.
The concept of sex-desire exists because it was put there. The liberationists
are part of the same historical movement that they rally against, rather
than truly questioning and rebelling against the forces of repression and
power exerted over our bodies.

LS: So there's a more basic conflict than rebelling against the oppression
enforced by Victorian society?

MF: Yes, the concept of pleasure is that of a secondary result of the
urge to reproduce, i.e. sexual intercourse. Sex-desire comes from our instinctual
desire to maintain man's existence.

LS: Where's the conflict?

MF: What I've just described is what I consider to be a power acting
over the body. That pleasure isn't important; that reproduction is. I feel
that the base power of the body is seeking after pleasure. That is the
power within us all that is fighting against repression. From this seeking
after pleasure comes desire, and although we may use our bodies for seeking
pleasure, a time will come when we will surpass our basic animal instincts
for physical gratification. Our desire for sex is part of our quest for
pleasure

LS: I think that some of your theory about the power relations exerting
themselves over the body can come under the category of kinship which I
have spent some time researching. Laws of kinship constitute one of the
earliest attempts by the human mind to found a social order by distinguishing
between different classes of human relations. Laws, which determine whom
one is or is not permitted to marry, is a characteristic of even the most
basic of societies.

MF: I would probably see that as being an example of a power exerting
itself over the will of the body, but please do go on.

LS: Simple kinship structures are established by rules which for example
may forbid a man from marrying his sister. The disclosure of such structures
enable us to recognise that what may appear to be a chaotic system is in
fact governed by a small number of simple principles which permit society
to co-ordinate a diverse number of rituals, customs and taboos in a highly
organised system.

MF: Are you saying that these rules which govern who you can and cannot
marry effect the behaviour of members of that particular society in any
respect?

LS: Yes, they provide a symbolic system of differences, a logic of binary
opposites which manifests itself in any realm of social relation.

MF: Even work or trade?

LS: Yes. I consider the basic laws of kinship to illustrate the three
universal principles of the human mind.

MF: And they are....

LS: One, the principle of a rule, this provides a means of differentiation
and order.

Two, the principle of reciprocity, the way we reconcile the difference
between the self and others. Three, the synthetic principle of the gift,
this allows for the circulation of property. So these three principles
provide the structure for an ordered transition from any example of conflict
to partnership.

MF: Tell me more about this logic of binary opposites, do you honestly
think that human experience can be reduced to something so elementary.

LS: Yes. Why not? Life isn't as complex as western society would have
us believe. The logic of analogy is the starting point for any other type
of logic in the human mind. This logic allows the mind to hold together
completely different orders of meaning, for example,  right/wrong,
good/evil, death/life. It lets us think of one thing in terms of another
or one set of oppositions in terms of another.

MF: Can you give me an example of such logic from your anthropological
research?

LS: Well totemism shows the logic of structural relation in that it
is a practice of representing men as animals, or what about religious mythology
where the gods are represented as man. These systems are the attempt to
come to terms with the two great contradictions of human existence - the
contradiction between the one and the many, and the contradiction between
timelessness and time.

S@E: Right, come on you cunts. Enough of this bullshit. I'm too fucked
up to stay any longer and I want to go home and play my playstation. Let's
go home.

LS: Can we get a kebab on the way home?

Spock the big sell-out bastard :-)  makes his debut for slanted,
read on ...

Went along last night to the Heineken Green Energy Battle of Bands Final
(*breath*).  It was free in, so I couldn't miss out on this opportunity
;) Unfortunately, they were only selling Heineken at the bar, so that was
a bit pissy, I was driving anyway, so it didn't matter much to me. 
The place was semi full, with plenty of A+R, and record company type guys
there to check out what was supposed to be the best unsigned bands in the
country.  The atmosphere wasn't anything special, but there ya go.
First band up were a group called Eva Dallas.  These guys were impressive.
Although their music wasn't extremely catchy or anything, they were very
very tight, and good at what they did.  Relying heavily on keyboards,
and some monster guitar effects, they produced what could only be described
as haunting music in a cheery way.  When they rocked, they rocked,
and when they were quiet, they were equally rocking.  They didn't
break at all between songs.. the lead singer said the word "cheers" at
least five times, I think that's all he said in fact, while the keyboard
player (or "effects coordinator" as i'd prefer to call these guys now)
kept some kind of noise happening in the background.  I was surprised
by the short set (20 mins), but I guess they had 5 bands to get through. 
They mixed the guitars and keyboards very well, and their whole sound came
out very professionally.  My only criticism would be that they overused
effects a bit, but that's just cos it's not what I'd like to see, like
I say, they do what they do extremely well.  Afterwards I remarked
that I'd have no hesitation in signing them.

Next up where a group called Electro.  A four piece, this time
they had one fuck off rack of effects with them, I can only imagine what
it cost.  Again, these guys were very good at what they did. 
They sounded very very very like the prodigy, except the lead singers voice
was a bit weak, and you couldn't hear his guitar.  In fact, you couldn't
hear the bass guitar either, all you could hear was the drums, and the
effects.  The effects guy was hopping about like a mad thing, which
could only lead me to believe that what he was "playing" up there was actually
all preset, and he only hit a few knobs and buttons, cos there's no way
you can do what they were doing live, and dance around the way he was. 
Along with that, I nearly puked when I heard this cool drum beat, only
to look up, and find that their drummer was in fact doing nothing, while
the effects guy hit another button or two, and then the drummer joined
in on simpler beats.  Having said that, when the drummer did get around
to playing he was fucking superb, flawless.  Didn't notice the bass
player, cos you couldn't hear him.  Not my type of thing, but they
were brilliant at what they played, I'd defo watch out for this lot.

Then we had the Marigolds.  They've just got back from New York
where they've played a few festivals, had two top 20 singles in ireland
last year. "christ they must be good" I thought before they began. 
A threesome appeared on stage, which is very hard to get a full sound out
of, but I gave them the benefit of the doubt, until they played. 
They were way short of spectacular. Weren't very tight, and they only had
one memorable song out of the 6 they played.  I had said after the
other two bands that I'd love to see what a band with nothing but two guitars,
a bass, and drums could do up there (after the fiasco of the effects guys
on the previous two bands), but I was dissapointed, cos it appeared they
couldn't fare very well on the live scene....

Until I saw Nanook, the next band.  These were brilliant, they
played rock music, but without heavy distortion, just a bit of mild fuzz. 
Their drummer was fucking brilliant, in the third song, launching into
some mad 70's style beat from a cheezy tv show, brilliant.  The singer
wasn't memorable, but they were quite enjoyable to watch.  Didn't
rely too heavily on effects, which I liked, but they weren't really signable,
just no market for it. Figment were next, with an average age of 17. 
Hailing from Limerick, these guys have a single out, and are under the
management of an ex-cranberries manager.  Like I expected, they were
crap.  I really couldn't believe they even got into the competition. 
Their singer had a deadly voice, but was let down by shite guitar playing,
and a drummer who really was trying too hard to do very simple things. 
Whacking his snare way too hard, there wasn't much room for anyone else. 
The guitarist got his levels all wrong, and so couldnt' be heard. 
The bass player was competent, but nothing special.  If they can get
signed, anyone can, I mean that.  I'd suggest the singer find himself
a better band, cos he's got a great voice for a guy his age.  They
were very heavy, kinda pop/ska/punk kinda thing, typical of 17 year olds
(phwar phwar), and the singer's culchie accent made a change.  Maybe
they were just let down by the sound engineer, i dunno, but if I remember
them, it'll be because they sounded dreadful.

If I was judging, it would have been

1. Eva Dallas

2. Electro

3. Nanook

Unfortunately, the real judges saw different, and gave third place to
Marigold, with the other two as I predicted.  Eva Dallas were locked,
but played an encore, collecting a 10,000 quid recording voucher (yeh!!
10 grand worth of recording time in Temple lane! christ), while the representatives
from the other two bands gladly collected their 2,000 quid, not bad for
three days work.... If Eva Dallas are gigging, and I've got some spare
cash, I'd definitely go see them, I think everyone should..

I'm afraid of being old. I've seen my fair share of old people and I
don't want to be one. I'd despise that helplessness that comes with age.
First I'd start forgetting stuff, then walking would become more difficult,
next thing you know I've got tubes sticking out of me and I'm wheeled around
by some young whipper-snapper in a nursing home. No way, not for me.

 I've got two old grandmothers. They're pretty old, one's eighty,
the other's seventy nine or something. Anywayy, I remember when one of
the (Granny A) used to take care of me when I was a child. She used to
drive me places and buy me stuff and give me money and sweets and basically
she was a most excellent relation to have. She always used to go to America
every summer to see her daughters that had emigrated. But now she doesn't
even remember my name. She couldn't tell you what day it was, or what year
it was either. She's helpless without somebody else. It's the same with
Granny B, except while her mind is still with her (mostly) it's her physical
well being that time has taken a toll on.

 I'm relatively healthy right now. I don't forget things (with
the possible exception of exam situations). I don't want to be old, I don't
particularly look forward to being told what to do, what's best for me.
Why that's just like being a child again, except worse. At least when you're
a child you posses limitless energy. Children look forward to growing up.
Old people look forward to dying. And I'm not looking forward to that at
all.

 

Muki (Mantra Recordings) just released a new four track EP/single thing
and my, it's relaxing. In case you didn't know, Muki are a new up and coming
mellow-blissed-out-groovy-relaxed music makers that Muzik magazine said
"were exotic enough to gain permanent airtime on Mata Hari's bedside soundsystem."
They've only released three singles so far, and if the four-tracker's anything
to go by then their forthcoming LP Cain Fever should be pretty darn good
to say the least.

 Muki are like, uh, (allow me to create a new genre for them)
ambient-groove-house? Well, nto really that much house 'cause I hate house,
it's the devils beats I tell ya. But songs like At Mutley's have a quiet
4/4 beat but with enough sweeping ambient beeps and waves to keep me listening.
The last track King of the Beach reminds me of some quiet Decal track,
very stopy-starty for a while and then whoooo, a church organ!! Don't fear
the funk people (as Dennis would say) this is some pretty grooving listenin'.
The first track Fullscope is the best though, heartbeat kick drums with
a nice swinging bass and loads if tinkle-tinkle shopping music piano over
that. Yum-yum.

<Token commercial album review time>

Dammit, I missed the last Massive Attack gig early on in April, me,
Singer and Stripe (by heck do those names look silly when you write them
down, we gotta start using our real names soon) were actually DJing in
the Funnel Club. (but more of that later)

 Anyway, despite not seeing them, I did pick up their new album
Mezzanine and um, well, it's quite good. Very good actually, but slightly
worrying in places. I was actually worried by the opener Angel. You see,
it's nice and dark, plodding along, and next thing there's this big rock
guitar in it!! Nooooo!! Rock guitars have their place, and it isn't in
any bloody Massive Attack song. On further listening though you forget
about that misdemeanour and everything sounds cool again. Risingson, for
example, remember that from last year? Well it's still just as brilliant,
possibly my fave. track on the album. And that new single Teardrop ain't
too shabby either, although I'm not to fond of the video for that song.
Looks like a promo shot for Youth Defence or something. This album's all
darker and scarier then Protection, which is a good thing, everybody needs
some scary music. We need a bit of dark dept to our lives, and Mezzanine
certainly has a load of that.

 And even better, half way through there's a lovely little intermission
from the scary stuff called Exchange, which is a nice little relaxing track
repeated for even longer at the end of the album. Neat. As with all lasting
albums, most tracks on this take some listening, I actually hated one or
two of them at the star but now I'm humming them in my sleep. Mezzanine
is a must for all you trip-hop enthusiasts.

Third Eye Foundation at the Funnel Club.

 Actually that title is a lie, this review is all about Anodyne,
who I really came to see at the Funnel. He was supporting Third Eye Foundation
though, so that was like an added bonus. So, for those of you foolish enough
not to have come see Anodyne before, he's the purveyor of "death and bass",
and new drum and bass offshoot that features heavy-metal influenced "music".
Actually heavy metal's a terrible word to use, it's just hard and heavy
techno breakbeats really. "Noise terrorism" as the Ultramack boys call
it. And man is it heavy!! Just before he started, he played March of the
Pigs (a Nine Inch Nails song, duh) to put us in the mood, and then the
rest of his set just........happened!! Mad, loud, scary and non-stop. In
fact the only bad thing about it is that there's no rest. I've said this
before actually, it'd be really nice if he calmed down for like one minute
during his set and played something soft while we nurse our heads. But
no, rest is for the weak!! The bass in the Funnel was actually so loud
that it knocked Stripe's pint off the shelf and onto the floor!! Hahahah,
that was good for a laugh alright. [You won't be laughing when I ram the
fucking remains of that glass in yer face!! - Stripe]

 Anodyne is the most exciting Irish act I've ever seen, a new
Anodyne release is way overdue guys!!

 And that's it. Oh, no wait, Third Eye Foundation. Hehehe, well
I thought Anodyne totally upstaged him, but he was pretty good too, I wasn't
really listening to most of his set, I only actually noticed the very last
song because it was kind of a slow dub song, really good, some kind of
screaming sample played over slow beats, a lot different from the drum
and bass stuff he'd been doing up 'till then.

(March 31st - April 5th)

It was around the end of March when I started getting thirsty. Very
thirsty. Very fucking thirsty indeed. Thirsty for what Thayl? Knowledge?
Power? Money?  No, no, no, I mean thirsty in the normal sense of the
word. I was thirsty for water. This wasn't normal thirst. My mouth was
always dry, filled with a white paste that was dehydrated phlegm I suppose.
During the day I had to carry a bottle around with me, constantly taking
huge gulps out of it and filling it up in friends houses, girlfriend's
flat, Bewley's, wherever I could. At night I had to take two pint glasses
of water to bed with me, I kept waking up during the night gasping for
liquid. And I had to keep getting up to take a piss. My bladder was working
overtime for me. I don't know how I got any sleep, what with waking up
at least twice during the night for water (both drinking and passing *grin*).

 I thought this was healthy though. Water's good for you right?
My urine was a lovely clear colour, my system must be totally clear of
crap I thought to myself. In fact the weather outside around the start
of April was really warm, maybe I was just dehydrated from the heat? Anyway,
you can't drink too much water, [Unless you're on E of course - Stripe]
can you?

 There. I was thirsty. Very fucking thirsty as I said before.
But that wasn't all. I was also losing weight. Now, that wouldn't be a
problem for say, Stripe who's a short tubby scumbag, but I'm skinny. Nine
and a half stone normally, that's underweight for a 5' 10" tall fella.
But what little weight I had, it was going. By the third of April I had
lost a stone!! (From where?) I was eating perfectly normally, in fact now
that I was on Easter holidays from college I was eating even more crap
than I usually would. Crap that should have made me gain weight and not
lose it.

 That's another symptom for you. Weight loss. So, add that onto
an incredible thirst and what have you got? Don't know yet? Well neither
did I until, on one of the rare occasions that I was home [Thayl actually
lives with his parents, he's just never home] my mother suggested that
I go to the doctor for a "blood-glucose level test". That's what they do
to people that may have diabetes.

(April 6th)

 Diabetes?? What the fuck!!? Me?  No way, I'm just thirsty.
It's nothing, probably just a bug.  Yeah, a bug, and the weight loss?
Sure I'm a growing boy. I just need more food. Well, that's what I thought
anyway, until I stuck my trusty Encarta CD-ROM into my comp and looked
up diabetes. [For  those hermits amongst you, Encarta is like an encyclopaedia
on a CD for your computer. I actually got it free with my comp so don't
go screaming at me for buying a Microsoft product you Linux nurds]

 

<Diabetes Mellitus, disease caused by defective carbohydrate metabolism
and characterised by abnormally large amounts of sugar in the blood and
urine. Diabetes mellitus affects about 16 million people in the United
States, of whom about half remain undiagnosed. Diabetes mellitus can eventually
damage the eyes, kidneys, heart, and limbs, and can endanger pregnancy.
Proper treatment, however, can minimise these complications. Diabetes mellitus
is usually classified into two types. Type I, or insulin-dependent diabetes
mellitus (IDDM), formerly called juvenile-onset diabetes, which occurs
in children and young adults, has been implicated as one of the auto-immune
diseases. Rapid in onset and progress, it accounts for about 10 to 15 percent
of all cases. If untreated, Type I diabetes can be quickly fatal. It is
accompanied by extreme thirst, weight loss, and fatigue. Because the body
lacks sufficient energy from tissue glucose, it begins to break down stored
fat. This produces increasing amounts of compounds called ketone bodies
in the blood, making the blood acidic and interfering with respiration.
Death from diabetic coma was the usual outcome of the disease before the
discovery of insulin therapy.>

 Acidic blood? Interfering with respiration? Quickly fatal? Naturally
I was scared. Terrified even? My symptoms were there yet I still told myself
that it mightn't be that bad. It could be just a bug, a virus or something.
I didn't sleep well that night, I rolled about on my bed and panicked.
My heartbeat wouldn't slow down. My breath came in gasps. It reminded me
of the night that I had swallowed a mouthful of methylated spirits when
I was younger. Back then I had seriously thought I was going to die.

(April 7th)

  My mother had left a note under my bedroom door the next morning
reminding me that my grandfather (on my father's side) had had diabetes,
except it was only diagnosed when he was around fifty. He had Type II diabetes,
which old people get. That's when their pancreas isn't making enough insulin
so they have to take pills to regulate it. I had pretty much come to the
conclusion that I had Type I diabetes, where the pancreas has stopped making
insulin altogether. "Insulin? What the hell does that do anyway?" I hear
you ask. Let me explain. I'm a fucking expert on insulin now. We'll talk
about food first. You know what carbohydrates are? Well you don't have
to know exactly what they are, but most food contains carbohydrates. This
is your energy, which makes you run, dance, beat up people, whatever you
like doing. Look at the box your food came in next time and see how much
carbohydrates it has. Well, these carbohydrates are broken up into blood-sugar
and other stuff when you digest them. For the body to process this blood-sugar
(it's really called glucose but I'm trying to keep it simple here), it
needs insulin. Insulin gets the sugar in your blood and sticks it into
your cells so you're full of energy all the time.

 Got that? Right. Now insulin is made by your pancreas. But if
you've got Type I Diabetes then your pancreas doesn't make any insulin
at all, so all the sugar in your blood just stays there and isn't absorbed
into your cells. Bummer eh? If there's too much sugar in your blood stream
then bad stuff happens. You can go blind, your kidneys stop working, your
nerves get knackered, your feet and legs could get gangrene and have to
be amputated, and your heart could stop. But that's only if your blood
sugar level has been really high for a while. Also, since your cells aren't
getting any sugar, they're starting to get really hungry. So ketones are
produced in your body which break down your fat cells into energy for the
rest of the body cells. Breaking down your fat cells with obviously make
you lose weight, which isn't always a bad thing, but if these ketones stay
in your blood for a long period of time they can lead to "serious illness
and coma". They turn your blood acidic (your blood pH is normally 7.9)
which makes you really sick and eventually you die. *grin*

 To get rid of these ketones your body will make you urinate (for
want of a better word) a lot and this is dehydrates you. Bad situation
to be in I can tell you. Anyway, now that you know a bit more about diabetes
I'll get back to my story.

(Still April 7th)

 Well after reading all about how sick I probably was I didn't
feel like breakfast, so I took a short stroll (or rather a panicky walk)
to my local doctor, who's surgery is only a few hundred metres from my
house. I was left sitting for almost two hours in his waiting room while
other patients (almost all of them over sixty) in the queue in front of
me were seen too. I felt like standing up and screaming "I'm dying dammit!!
And you lot all probably have fucking throat infections and sore feet!!
Get the fuck out of my way!!" but instead I just tried to sit still on
my seat which was impossible because I couldn't stop shaking. Waves of
panic were gripping me and I kept moving my hands or my legs sporadically.
It's like the feeling you get when somebody else is talking about how their
aunt had to get her stomach cut open, you go "urrrgh" and grip your arms
around yourself. Well this was worse because it was happening to me.

 I got called up in the end and was told to wait in a room. This
surgery has a few rooms and I was there for about two minutes when my friendly
doc came in. Every single time I've been to that doctor it was for a throat
infection which I get around two to three times a year. (pretty bad ones
too, my tonsils get yellow spots and everything) When he saw me he was
probably mentally prescribing some anti-inflammatory drug but it's not
like he went "So, sore throat again Thayl?" or anything. Instead he just
asked me what the problem was, to which I instantly replied in a nervous
shaky voice that I was really really thirsty, losing weight, I thought
I had Type I diabetes and I wanted a blood-glucose test. So I got one,
he pricks your thumb with a needle and puts a drop of blood on a machine.
After half a minute a number came up. 19.7. That's 19.7 millimoles of glucose
per 1 litre of blood. If I wasn't a diabetic then it should have been about
5 millimoles per litre. Then, handing me a small container he asked me
for a urine sample. Off to the toilet, no problem at all, I could have
filled about fifty of those containers for him. He dipped a little piece
of coloured paper into it, and it changed to a different colour. This was
the test for ketones, showing that I had them in my blood stream. He turned
to me and started talking about how lots of advances are being made and
how it was actually better to be a Type I then a Type II. He didn't actually
say "Yes, you've got it" or anything but right then and there I was the
world's newest diabetic.

 He phoned up the hospital and told them I'd be down, and gave
me a letter for some doctor over there in Beaumont Hospital which is actually
only about fifteen minutes walk from my house. (I'd always thought how
lucky I was to be living so close to a hospital, I never thought I'd be
actually using it regularly though)

 So, camera zooms to the Diabetic Day Clinic in Beaumont Hospital
where I'm having a big-fuck-off needle stuck into a vein in my right arm.
They're pulling blood out of me to check for different levels of different
things. I have a long talk with a doctor there, and I'm shown how to inject
myself with insulin. I go back to the hospital on the next two days for
more talking with dieticians and doctors and nurses.  So, how has
my life changed? Well, for the first two days, April the 7th and the 8th
I was in shock. I was in a state of continual panic. You see, they gave
me a little machine (smaller then a mobile phone) for testing my blood
glucose levels and they were pretty high all the time. 23.6, 22.5, 19.4,
high numbers which scared me. The average healthy person's glucose levels
are always between 4 and 10. Even though I was injecting myself with two
types of insulin four times a day (Humalog before breakfast, lunch and
dinner, Humulin before bed) by levels were still high. The nurse told me
to up my dosage from 6 units to 8 units but it didn't seem to make much
of a difference. (I don't actually know how much that is, but a cartridge
holds about 1.5 millilitres, and there's about 150 units in the cartridge,
so a 6 unit dose is probably 0.06 millilitres of insulin)

 Strange things happened to me since I started injecting insulin.
If a diabetic's glucose level falls too low (due to too much insulin, or
not enough food) then they will be affected by hypoglycaemia. When I went
out to DCU on the 8th of April, a day after I was diagnosed with diabetes
I suddenly felt really shaky. My vision became blurred and my legs went
all weak and they felt like jelly. (Mmmmm, jellllyyyyyy) This was because
my blood sugar levels were too low, any lower and I would have fallen unconscious. 
Raising your glucose levels if this happens is easy enough, you just eat
some sweets or something, but I found it scary at the time. On the 11th
of April, while I was on the bus into town with the lovely Jill my eyesight
suddenly became much sharper. I'm normally short sighted, I needed glasses
to read stuff that's far away since last October, but now I don't. Weird
eh? Right now my blood sugar levels are around 11, 12, going up to 17 after
dinner which isn't good. I increased my dosage of insulin to 10 units four
times a day a while ago and I just have to hopethat my sugar levels stabilise.

 As for my diet, I just have to cut down on my sugar intake, alcohol
and regulate my carbohydrate intake. I have to eat regular meals and drink
lots of water. Right now I'm hungry, and I'd fucking kill for an easter
egg.

(Some weeks later)

Argh!! I've been without any kind of chocolate/sweets/alcoholic drink/decent
breakfast cereal/apple-pie for over three weeks now. Actually that's not
quite true, because last Friday I had my first real hypoglycaemic attack.
(ie my blood sugar plummeted) This was a lot worse than the other one you
read about a couple of paragraphs ago. You see I had missed a meal during
the day, and after dinner that night my blood sugar levels dropped to around
3.1, normally a healthy person's would never be below 4.5. I broke out
in a drenching sweat and went totally weak, barely able to stand up I was!!
Scary stuff eh? I couldn't stop shaking and I felt like I was going to
collapse, and I would have too, if I hadn't swallowed a bottle of Lucozade
(the refreshing glucose drink) which bumped my sugar levels up to a respectable
level (and kept me alive).

 Apart from that nothing really new has happened since I was first
diagnosed. My doses of insulin have been raised, and raised again, I'm
on 46 units of insulin in total, compared to 24 when I was first diagnosed.
The tips of my fingers are all full of little holes from the blood tests
I have to give myself seven times a day. But life goes on. And diabetes
is a part of my life now, the novelty has kinda worn off though. On a recent
visit to Beaumont on of the doctors there asked me if I saw Diabetes as
a challenge to overcome. No, I now just see it as a chore I have to perform
every so often. A chore that keeps me alive.

 Oh and I'd just like to thank all my friends for being really
cool and supportive during the past few weeks, thanks to Stripe and Singer
and the rest of the DCU people for making fun of my new junkie habit, thanks
to all those blokes at Kevin Street that eat chocolate in front of my face
and laugh at me during lunch, thanks to Orlagh 'cause she sent me a "get
well" letter. And biggest thanks of all goes to Jill, who actually stocked
her flat with loads of food I could eat and for just being exceptionally
cool.

The trial of............Dublin city (or Dubelin to its inhabitants)
-part1

 Like any good mini-series court-room drama this piece is gonna
be in different parts, partially coz it heightens the drama of the whole
thing, and partially coz theres a lot more to write, and I'm not in the
mood to finish it now.. maybe if stripe did up my office in s@e towers
i'd bother finishing this, but as it is I've got too many guest list places
to bother doing anything constructive. any ideas what to say to bono? no?
oh well, heres part 1.

 The magical world of s@e has whisked you, the reader, away to
a mock trial of Dublin! You are seated in a packed courtroom, filled with
press, T.V. cameras (they allow T.V. cameras into mock trials...) and other
sundry hang-alongers. Lawyer1 is representing all the ppl who think Dublin's
a bit crap, but he looks like a bit of a knob, coz he's wearing those oh-so-cool
combats that even the pope is wearing nowadays. He's trying to look "cool",
but instead he looks "crap".

 Lawyer1-"Your honour, I present before you the case against the
putrid city of Dublin, the very city which produced such filth as FM "Champion
Sports" 104 and Boyzone. Sure, some of its locals appear to be decent ppl,
but that doesn't set it aside from anywhere, anyplace. Everywhere has its
nice ppl. The case I am presenting focuses on the aspects of Baile Ath
Cliath that positively try to drag down Dubliners into a pit of banality
and mediocrity. Here I call my first witness, Singer.

Singer-"heya, how it, ummm, going, like?"

Judge-"Shutup with that psuedo-American netidrawl, and take off that
offensive shirt!"

Singer-"awwwww......ok...."

*Singer peels off one of his many looney-psycadelic-lumberjack shirts*

Singer-"Anyway, so why am I here?"

Lawyer1-"You are here to assist me with my case. I am trying to convict
the city of Dublin for being shite."

Singer-"Hmmm, yeah, you do have a point. You're probably right. Can
I go now?"

Judge-"No!"

Lawyer1-"No, shutup and sit down.*sigh*. Ok, Mr.....ummmm...Singer,
we'll start with nights out. Please give us a brief synopsis of any mad
nights out on the town you've had recently."

Singer-"Uhhh, sure. Well, my most recent night out was a bit crap,
a Saturday night out in pubs, that sort of thing. I was out with ppl who
weren't necessarily the type of ppl who go out to gigs, etc. 'Twas indeed
just as normal a night out could be, I guess."

Lawyer1-" You said you had a crap time. Why was that? Was the company
bad or something?"

Singer-"Oh, no. The company was grand. The night started off OK, we
went to Bruxelles to meet a few other ppl. I suppose the fact that the
Mean Fiddler didn't allow us into the bar downstairs didn't help our cause
to get in. Instead the bouncers invited us to pay £8 to see ska-punk
band "Bad Manners" upstairs. We laughed ourselves silly, then cursed the
bouncers as we walked all the way back down Wexford Street. So, we ended
up going to Brogans, which I recalled having ok clientele. Pity the place
was full of Liam Gallaghers."

Lawyer1-"Yeah, Brogans seemed like a good place when I went there before,
it must have gone downhill. So, thats 1-0 to me, the city of Dublin actively
took part in Singer having a not-so-good night."

Singer-"Well, I dunno, maybe it was that I was just after work, or
something.."

Lawyer1-"So, you weren't mad-for-it as the hip cool cats say on the
street nowadays?"

Singer-"Ummmm, yeah, something like that...."

Lawyer1-"But this isn't an isolated incident, nosiree. Singer, how
easy is it for studenty type ppl to get into a half decent place most of
the time?"

Singer-"Well, I guess its the crew you go with. Big groups of ppl are
usually a no-no,I guess bouncers have flashbacks to when they were half-kicked
to death by a big group of ppl for being an asshole. I guess that's where
they got their brain damage  too. I've heard of bouncers being trained
in picking out trouble makers/drug-dealers/undesirables..... they get held
up pictures, and if the males have long or dyed hair, then they're obviously
scumbags, and shouldn't get through the door of any respectable pub."

Lawyer1- "Wow, you seem to be doing my job for me."

Singer-"Yeah, well bouncers are doing a shitty job, you know, I wouldn't
want to do it and I guess there are some good reasons for not letting a
smelly grunger into, say "The Harp" or somewhere. And I don't usually like
pathetically stupid articles in fanzines/freesheets about how crap bouncers
are, like that one that was in Gearhead Nation (r.i.p.) a while ago, by
that "Oly" guy. Now, I liked loads of Helium Bong, don't get me wrong,
but the way he attempted to put down the bouncers in the City Arts centre
just coz he was hassled for being parapletically drunk in a corner, and
dancing around like a drunk fool seemed a bit silly. And the way he tried
to make out that being dangerously drunk was almost a right at any punk
gig was a bit short-sighted. I mean, there are good reasons for not letting
a person drunkenly fall into a slumber in a corner of the venue you're
working in. They might die, for example, and the bouncers would be to blame...."
(the day that Oly dies will be a good one.. - Ed.)

Lawyer1-"Objection your honour! I am nearly crying from boredom!"

Judge-"Ummmm,  he's your witness, you stop him rambling on....
"

Lawyer1-"Oh, yeah. Anyway, so, nights out. Where do you regularly go?"

Singer-"Well, I guess my most regualar haunt would be the Funnel bar,
what with it's suprising amount of decent gigs and clubs, and its wonderful
swanky new bar downstairs."

Lawyer1-"Yeah, I guess that place is damn good, but one bar in a whole
city isn't that good. Anywhere else decent?"

Singer-"Well, I am more of an indie-kid than anything else, if indie-kid
is the term to be put on me. So, I guess I go to lots of gigs, you know,
in the Da club, the aforementioned Funnel bar, The Mean Fiddler, The Temple
Bar Music Centre, The RedBox, etc. etc. Anyplace some fool will get onstage
an play an instrument, really. The venues could be nicer though, the smaller
the place is the shittier the place is, generally. And I won't even mention
the Fusion Bar.."

Lawyer2-"Objection. The Fusion bar has got a lot of good gigs on there,
and the place shouldn't be cited as a fair example of a small sized venue
in Dublin. Fuck all ppl actually go out to gigs, so I guess the venues
are only a representation of the ppl that we are."

Lawyer1-"But, would you admit that the venues in this glorious city
aren't exactly up to scratch, and that it really is hard to get any sort
of local 'scene' together if ppl don't actually go to gigs. "

Lawyer2-"Ummm, yeah."

Lawyer1-"So, Singer, any final comments on the places to go to on nights
out?"

Singer-"Yeah, I'd like to remind the court of a mystical club called
Dazed, which  played all kinds of wonderful and strange indie music.
It stopped being in the 13th Floor on O'Connell st. about a year ago, and
it moved to The Furnace. It then died a painful death, coz nobody liked
it there....... I really liked that place, they really did play excellent
music, I got to see Decal play there before, and you wouldn't believe the
number of albums I've accuired only to exclaim half way through..'I know
that song from Dazed!!!!'. Well, it doesn't happen that often nowadays,
but I got an old Venus Envy (r.i.p.) recording there recently and I knew
the song "Now is not the time" really fucking well. *sigh*"

Lawyer1-"Sounds like a damn cool place.I wish they'd start it up again........"

Lawyer2-"Agreed...."

Singer-"Yeah, and I met my present girlfriend there, too. *sigh*"

Judge-"Mr.Singer, you really do have a tendancy to waffle. I think
thats enough about the downside of Dublin and nights out, I really do hope
that the rest of this court case is a teeny bit more concise. So, your
conclusions Lawyer1..."

Lawyer1-"I conclude that venues should try not to employ ppl straight
from a head-on car collision, that there should be nicer small to medium
sized venues, and that Dazed should be re-opened."

Judge-"Ok, Mr.Lawyer1, you've fairly much covered nights out..... now,
is there anything ese bad about an Baile Ath Cliath?"

Lawyer1-"Well.... any of you lot know freesheets/zines?"

Judge-"Umm, nope ,what are they?"

Lawyer1-"Well, freesheets are the work of the youth of Dublin, usually
by punks, although there appears to be a new and healthy growth in Dancey
freesheets, like "Exposed" Ultramag" and "Subtext". The punk ones seemed
to die a death a few months ago, such a pity, Gearhead Nation was quite
good."

Singer-"Ummm, well some of them are still going, the wonderul Loserdom
being a good example"

Judge-"Yeah, ok, so we have a few good freesheets around the streets
of Dublin, how does this prove yr case, Lawyer1"

Lawyer1-"Well, the fall of the freesheet might have something to do
with the fall of the "garden of delight"   "

Judge-"Ahhh, I've seen posters and flyers for that place, i know what
it is.... i even read gardened and delighted!"

Lawyer1-"But were you ever in the bleedin' place?"

Judge-"Suffice to say, no."

Lawyer1-"My point exactly"

That's all for this month kids. The people who produced this zine are:
Stripe, Thayl, Singer, Clodagh, Spock, and a little help from David Heagney
of the Null Set.

Respec' to da muthafuckas: Maura, Alan + Dennis + Paul, Orly, the Chillage
Idiots, the Hope Collective (Thayl would like to apologise for Stripe's
use of "black-hip-hop" speak in that sentence up there), Julie and Dave
@ Road Records, the female half of the S@E crew (Jean, Jill and Bootie),
Jonathan @ the Funnel for helping us organise our gig, everyone else we
didn't mention but should have... that's all. We're going home